Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I'm only here for the beer

I brew beer from time to time at a local brew kitchen. I made a scotch ale recently (~9% abv), and decided to call it Asshole Ale. I made a label, stealing the solioquy from dennis leary's "I'm An Asshole" song.

I had to abridge it slightly to fit the label, and updated a couple things to make it more culturally current. I ended up with this:

" I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado Convertible, hot pink with whale skin hub-caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby Seal eyes for headlights, and I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down Quarter Pounder cheese burgers from McDonalds in the old-fasion, non-biodegradible styrofoam containers and
when I'm done suckn' down those greaseburgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag and then I'm gonna toss those styrofoam containers right out the side and there ain't a god-damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Two words: Nuclear fucking weapons, OK!? Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have a big democracy cake-walk Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of a difference because we got the bombs, OK? I'm gonna get Bruce Willis, Sly Stallone, Wesley Snipes, and a case of ASSHOLE ALE and drive down to Texas."

I put the text over a picture of a nuclear detonation from nevada.

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