Wednesday, February 6, 2008


I sometimes get confused. 'Why is [this thing] happening to me?'
As I've gotten older, I've really tried to be a better person. Yet, it seems every time I do what I think is the right thing, some aspect of it, generally speaking out of my control, comes back and firmly takes a solid bite out of my ass.

I see this more and more in the actions of my only child. I offer to help with something, and get snapped at for it. I state the the computer must be turned off because it's bed time, and it's as if I'm asking for the bathroom to be cleaned.

Today, since it was raining like hell outside. I offer to be school transportation, in order to alleviate the need to stand outside in the rain waiting for the bus.

"drop me off at the end of the parking lot"
"it's raining out, I offered to take you to school so you didn't have to stand out in the rain"
"I don't care, just don't take me all the way to the curb, leave me at the end of the lot"
"you're so embarrassed by me that you can't even be seen in the car with me?"
"Thank you. I don't have enough other things in my life right now, I need you to be ashamed of me."
"you're welcome" (door slams).

I have a three family rental property (I don't want it, I never wanted it, but now I'm stuck with it. I have to get over it). Because I have vivid memories of making ends meet in my youth, I have allowed the tenants to pay me late, and in some cases just let it go short. With one tenant this became an issue of not paying at all, then when pressed they called the city for building code violations. (I was cleared, the tenant was ordered to pay, but instead they skipped out).
So what did I do to them? Was I so evil to ask for back rent? No, A sucker is more like it. For that fact, What did I do to deserve getting left with the building to begin with? I cosigned a loan for a relative in need, and he decided about 18 months in that it wasn't working out, so he left. Now it's mine.

I've taken to analyze this on a macro level.
I didn't do anything to my child that warrants shame.
I didn't screw my tenant before they decided to stop paying.
I left the rental property completely to my relative, never once getting involved in any aspect of managing or maintaining the property.

Maybe there was some greater event in my past that I'm paying for now.

Looking back, what did I do?
.........oh.......yeah.........that would do it.

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