apathy?

I should blog, or not.

I should get back to work, or not.
I should give a fuck, or not.
I should care, or at least pretend to care, or not.
I should........., or...not.

I should do alot of things. But I don't. Lately it's for no other reason than I just don't fucking care. The apathy is so intense, it fails to even approach the illusion attempting to put any thought into it whatsoever. A significant factor is the oppressive level of futility. When you truly believe there is nothing you can do about it, you cease to fucking care. That's where I am now.

So where do I go from here? How do I give myself that kick start to get my act together? To give the illusion to my co workers and family that I _am_ acting in the best interest of those involved? As if I really cared?

I know it's the right thing to do....Caring. I know that if my apathy becomes palpable enough, there will be repercussions. Long term implications of what a certain 12-year-old girl who (I think) looks up to me will take from ' when daddy stopped caring'.

Like it or not, I have a legacy
I'm responsible for,

and unless I want to end up responsible

for a trainwreck like this:

I'd better stop acting like this: