The Fuck Post

Fuck.

Fuckity fucking fuckers fucked fuckistic fucks.

Fuckisis? Fuckly!



Fucker fucking fuckful fucked fuckisms fucker fuckness. Fuckers fucking fuckment fuckology fuckification fuckerator fucks fuckism. Fucking fucky fuckist fuckable fuckastic fuck fuckient fuckly.

Fuck fuckers fucking fucked fucks.

Fuckers.

Karma

I sometimes get confused. 'Why is [this thing] happening to me?'
As I've gotten older, I've really tried to be a better person. Yet, it seems every time I do what I think is the right thing, some aspect of it, generally speaking out of my control, comes back and firmly takes a solid bite out of my ass.

I see this more and more in the actions of my only child. I offer to help with something, and get snapped at for it. I state the the computer must be turned off because it's bed time, and it's as if I'm asking for the bathroom to be cleaned.

Today, since it was raining like hell outside. I offer to be school transportation, in order to alleviate the need to stand outside in the rain waiting for the bus.

"drop me off at the end of the parking lot"
"it's raining out, I offered to take you to school so you didn't have to stand out in the rain"
"I don't care, just don't take me all the way to the curb, leave me at the end of the lot"
"you're so embarrassed by me that you can't even be seen in the car with me?"
"yes"
"Thank you. I don't have enough other things in my life right now, I need you to be ashamed of me."
"you're welcome" (door slams).

I have a three family rental property (I don't want it, I never wanted it, but now I'm stuck with it. I have to get over it). Because I have vivid memories of making ends meet in my youth, I have allowed the tenants to pay me late, and in some cases just let it go short. With one tenant this became an issue of not paying at all, then when pressed they called the city for building code violations. (I was cleared, the tenant was ordered to pay, but instead they skipped out).
So what did I do to them? Was I so evil to ask for back rent? No, A sucker is more like it. For that fact, What did I do to deserve getting left with the building to begin with? I cosigned a loan for a relative in need, and he decided about 18 months in that it wasn't working out, so he left. Now it's mine.

I've taken to analyze this on a macro level.
I didn't do anything to my child that warrants shame.
I didn't screw my tenant before they decided to stop paying.
I left the rental property completely to my relative, never once getting involved in any aspect of managing or maintaining the property.

Maybe there was some greater event in my past that I'm paying for now.

Looking back, what did I do?
.........oh.......yeah.........that would do it.

Sing a Joyful Noise

If you use Windows Instant Messenger, do this:

In the Options tab under 'Personal', Click the 'show song information.....' box

If you use Windows Media Player, click options>plug-ins, highlight 'background' and click the 'display song in messenger' box.

Now, everyone who has you in their contact list will be shown what you are listening to.

For those of you that don't know, I have almost 30Gb of music on a portable hard drive (I have over 800 CDs)
We use WinIM at work in lieu of phones or e-mail.

So now, everyone at work got to see when I was listening to "Too Drunk To Fuck" by the Dead Kennedys.

Too funny.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Kind of an incredibly trite title, doncha think? Over-used, worn-out, downright banal. Well, That's all I got for ya. After this weekends vast range of stress and entertainment, The banality of my life is really all I have to go on right now.

Apt -
The good - I managed to get in and rip out the water damaged plaster and replace it with dry wall.
The bad - 2nd floor tenants still have crap in the apartment. Fortunately they are sleeping in their new place, so I can get in and work at night, but happy happy, joy joy, I get to go to my full time job, then go work on the apt after work. Third floor tenants only gave me 1/2 the rent.
The Ugly - My handiwork, It's a good thing the building inspector isn't' interested in aesthetics.


Sunday I was having none of it. I had planned to run the Frigid Fiver in Newburyport, and desperately need the stress relief. I decided to make it a really workout, so I rode my bike 15 miles from my house, via the rollercoaster road of rte 113.
The good - I set a PR for a five mile race, in february no less, of 32:36. Good for 14th out of 150. This is a full 30 sec faster than my previous PR which I set in early October seven years ago at the Bobby Bell Road Race when I was very fit from racing (bikes) all summer. I felt good on the ride home, but the last hill to my house let me know - yes, it's february. Still, 30 miles on the bike and a PR five mile run. I'm satisfied
The Bad - I really thought I would run well under 32, and was shooting for 31:45. I assumed at the slowest I would do a 32:30....one sec/mile off my slowest assumed pace. Shit.
The ugly - getting passed by five guys on the last climb, at the 4 mile mark. DAMMIT! I weigh 140, there's no excuse for getting passed by 5 guys going uphill, all of whom had a good 25 pounds on me.

Superbowl -
The Good.......I got nothin'. Unless you want to count the company. Good friends.
The Bad......losing after going undefeated for the whole season.
The Ugly...Where do I begin? No answer for the pass rush, three missed interceptions, At least two very very bad calls by the officials, most noteworthy: Smith pushing Samuel away for a 45 yard gain, right in front of the official; Thomas landing on a fumble, laying on it when the play was blown dead, having a giant player wrestle it away after the whistle, and the refs give to them. Granted, that's not why the pats lost. They lost because they played without heart. They didn't want it bad enough.
The ugliest - Belichick leaving the field with 1 second on the clock. Game over? sure. But you just don't do that. Even Moss stayed on the field.

Worse yet, now us patriots fans are going to have to listen to every belicheat/cheatriots naysayer anti-bandwagon fan for as long as belichick is associated with the team. Present and future blogs and editorials will be rife with "The Patriots have proven they cannot win without cheating, their past superbowl victories are tarnished". You know that's what we're going to hear, no matter how well they do in the future, and that sucks. The patriots will be remembered as the worst 18-1 team in NFL history. Quite possibly the biggest choke of all time.

But, that's in the past. Ancient history. It's time to move on. I had no vested interest in their win, just the emotional boost of seeing a perfect season from my favorite team in my lifetime.

So, move on, I will.

stress

I don't handle stress well. I'd like to say I do, and envision myself the pinnacle of stoicism like my father. There's a man for you. 21 years in the army, 3 tours of vietnam, wounded once, then year-long 'temporary' assignments - one on the island of Shemya, the third to last island in the Aleutian chain with massive radio dishes listening to the soviet union; and another on a peninsula in turkey overlooking the caspian sea, massive radio dishes listening to the soviet union.

All that and he has yelled at me a total of 2 times in my life. He didn't need to yell. He had that look, the speak-softly-and-carry-a-big-stick mannerism, which kept me in line quite effectively through my raging male adolescent hormones coupled with my mothers temper.

I've been in my job about 18 months. During my first review, my boss noted "he does not suffer fools lightly".

indeed.

As our economy tanks, and my wife and I are saddled with an exceptionally poor financial decision in the form of a three family rental property in Manch-Vegas, my stress level has shown little potential for abatement.

So how does one who does not deal well with stress or suffer fools lightly deal with stress?

Sex? No magic there. I've been married for 13 blissful years, Let's just say you single guys really aren't missing much in that department.

There's always substance 'therapy'. A reasonable short-term regimen, but continued use leaves you less well prepared to deal with the situations creating the stress, the situations compound, and you get stuck in a downwardly spiraling morass of stress-inducers.

Exercise. While not giving the immediate gratification of sex, or detachment from reality of drugs and alcohol, does have the benefit of low-pass-filtering the ebbs and flows of bio rhythms and lifes speedbumps.

So, I've been running alot. I've been a licensed bike racer for 20 years, but over the last few I'm finding the peripheral situations associated with racing create as much stress as the activity alleviates. running - not so. It's the getting outside that does it. I could start my typical winter training program and lock myself in the basement for 8 hours/week. I'd be stronger and more fit come the end of march, but still really pissed off. Instead, I'm running about 5 hours/week outside.

I'm looking forward to the warmer weather when I can start commuting by bike to work - one of the best stress relievers to date (for me). Gets the yayas out.


till then, Maybe I'll try to strike some sort of formula with sex, alcohol, and running....not necessarily in that order.

more music

yup,
molly hatchet

my life set to music

My friend Solobreak put some stuff related to music on his blog, and it inspired me to to some reminiscing of my own.

First show - jethro tull boston garden 1979

favorite show - rick derringer fitchburg theater 1980

best performance - bob seger boston garden '81 (recorded on the 'nine tonight' album)

rowdiest show - ZZtop cape cod coliseum '81 - loverboy opened (whose bright fucking idea was that?) and got bood off stage, staties were finally brought in after the show was over and no one was leaving the parking lot, fights all day and night.

loudest show - pat travers band fitchburg theater '81

worst show - ozzie solo, two years running, centrum '84+'85. gawd he sucked.

most repeats - zztop 3 shows, j geils band 3 shows

biggest let down - rush, centrum '82 sounded to much like the album.

biggest pleasant surprise - Nazareth, orpheum, '82

Best guitar work - rick derringer, fitchburg theater, '79 and Rik Emmet (triumph) centrum '84(?)

best drum work - neil peart of rush, centrum '82

best take-control-of-the-audience-and squeeze-their-brains show - nine inch nails, centrum, '97

best we're-just-up-here-fucking-off show - joe perry project, palladium, worcestor, '83(?)

last show - The Offspring centrum, '02


Other bands I've seen live -

Kansas
black sabbath (sans ozzie thank the gods)
blue oyster cult
foghat
blondie
david johansen
loverboy
ted nugent
damn yankees
james taylor
new england (remember them?)
van halen (david lee roth and sammy hagar)
sammy hagar solo
david lee roth solo
depeche mode
cypress hill
the the
stevie ray vaughn
robert cray
the english beat
david crosby solo
don henley solo

This doesn't count all the local groups I've seen in the past 25 years at clubs and theaters. I know I've missed a few, maybe I'll list them in my next post.....six months from now