I went to the dentist this morning and got my teeth cleaned.
nah, doesn't work. Twitter is fucking stupid.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Titties and Beer
Few things could entice the instincts of a bike-racing beer-snob more than a competitive event held in a microbrewery.
So, with much fanfare and local media hype (including a reporter for WBUR/NPRs 'Only A Game'), the 2nd annual Harpoon Ale indoor time Trial was held at their Boston brewery this past saturday.
The riders were instructed to set up their trainers for warm up in the warehouse area, which, as the pictures above show, is lined with racks of freshly bottled beer on pallets, 24 feet high, ready to ship.
Now, I'm not a huge fan of Harpoon ales. I think they fell into that American craft brewed trap of trying to out 'hop' the next guy. Sam Adams is guilty of this too. I like the Harpoon UFO (a very good, but not great hefeweisen), but their standard bearer IPA isn't very well balanced IMHO. Many will disagree, and that is your right. It's a subjective critique on my part. However, saturday they were offering a newer (for them) beer on tap. A nicely balanced and full flavored red ale of the Irish variety, called the Celtic (that's Keltic, not Seltic). Also of note is a new beer, the UFO Pale Ale. It was very good as well, though not as good as the Celtic, without the hop heaviness prevalent in most of their other beers. I recommend both of them if you're not into this hop madness.
Still, the allure of beer and bikes was too hard to pass up. The competition area is actually at the end of the final packaging area, where the cases of beer loaded onto the aforementioned pallets.
Since the race was on saturday this year, it promised to be a bit better attended than last year. This year, they had the open class, an elite class that had professional/sponsored riders, a clydesdale class (200+ lbs), and a veterans class (50+). By the time everything was done, they had 270 preregistrants and 268 starters. I'm not an elite, I'm not 50, and I'm way under 200 pounds.
I have details of my race below, but I though I would go into a secondary reason for my participation - the entertainment value.
I like going into Boston. There's a certain eclecticism about a city where half the residents between september an may are college students. That demographic usually promises interesting entertainment, as hanging out any weekend night in Harvard Square will show.
The first notable occurrence was the cold. I'm sure it never got above 20 that day, and I'm sure it had an effect on spectator attendance. The warehouse is only heated to prevent it from freezing the beer, so it can get cold. It was probably in the 50's inside. This pretty much dashed any hopes for hot chick sightings. Granted, there were quite a few attractive women competitors there. I mean, I really didn't expect to see this:
But, between the cold, and the lack of hot chicks in cycling in general, I was somewhat disappointed.
The Masters men was a gentlemanly affair, with most of them knowing each other and competing in an almost victorian sportsmanship. Very cordial, congratulations all around to each other regardless of their performance.
Contrast that with the next heat - an open event - predominantly a younger crowd from the boston area, with full entourages of young urban hipsters and young professional hipster wannabes. This dude was typical:
Note the boxers in the jeans. I wrote in my last blogpost, that I don't think he brought a change of clothes. This would mean going back out into the cold winter air with soaking wet boxers and damp jeans. mmmmmmmmmmmmm, comfy.
But this heat was rowdy. Most of the spectators had already been there an hour longer than planned because the heats were running so late, and they passed the time at the taps. The room was packed to the point it was tough to maneuver, much like a packed bar. People were yelling, screaming, patting the target of their support on the back during the race, spilling beer. Think of the theater scene in "the triplets of belleville", without the cigarette smoke.
They had a Clydesdale division - all I can say is, those poor bikes. I'm amazed at how thin aluminum tubes can put up with that much stress. Some of these guys were sustaining over 400 watts. Yeah, I know in relative terms it ain't a lot, but in absolute terms, the forces those bikes and trainers were being subjected to....A word on fashion for the less-than-svelte male: Bibshorts, HRM chest strap, and manboobs are _not_ a pleasing aesthetic. It isn't _your_ nipples I'm interested in seeing poking through mesh suspenders, those aren't the titties that made Titties and Beer famous. I was going to get a picture for this post, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
By the time my teammates arrived for their heat - supposed to start at 8:15 - the bathrooms had been used by literally hundreds of people. They wisely made one of the womens rooms into a mens room, but you now how accurate men with beer are. I'm just hoping they got to clean them before Monday morning, when some hapless woman had to hit the can before having her coffee. I know what it looked like when I used it, and they were open for another 4 hours after that.
They has a Team heat also. They had one team at each of the three 8 person stations, and then turned on the drafting feature. This ostensibly lightens to load when you get within a certain number of feet 'behind' another rider. The problem here is that none of the athletes had ever done it before, and they were all trigeeks. TRi-geeks can't pack race, with a few exceptions. They don't know how to ride a wheel, and don't know how to pace in a group. Now, it took a good 15 minutes to get all the bikes set-up and calibrated, then they had to explain how the drafting worked. well, half of them didn't understand the drafting concept to begin with, and once they explained how it worked, they had to explain how to read the display to note your position, and your distance to the rider in front of you. This took another 15 minutes. I'm thinking they need to scrap that idea for next year.
Local Blogging Legend Thom P also ventured into the cold january evening to race with the elite field. Well, he _is_ sponsored after all. I guess once someone starts giving you bikes and clothes to race, you should damn well be racing with the big guns. Thom got there early enough to prepare for his heat at 9 PM, but they were almost two hours late, so thom proceeded to drink beer for 3 hours. Now, thom brought his new 29r single speed (NOT fixed gear) - 32x17 (I may have that wrong, but not by much). He obvious only intended to work on his aerobic capacity, since there's no way in hell he was going to generate any power even on the hill with a gear that small. But then there was some mechanical issue. I had heard he needed an 8mm hex key for something, but over on his blog he talks about the skewer not fitting in the trainer. I don't know what he was running for a skewer, but it looks like a quick release from the pictures, and they had an extra skewer for each station just in case this problem came up. Instead, he decided to borrow a road bike. Thom hates road bikes. He rode 90% of the course standing up, and taking beer feeds. Even still I only beat him by 30 seconds. You suck.
Last year, I did the TT on a lark. I found out about it and registered last minute, so I hadn't done any focused training. I rode a 52x16 fixed gear (NOT a single speed freewheel), and did ok. This year, I had a target established, worked more focused workouts into my regular training, and planned ahead.
This year I chose a 52x14. The 'course' is to simulate the last 8 miles of the B2B (brewery to brewery) charity ride that harpoon sponsors every year. The actual course is mostly flat with a hill at the end - something like 3/4 mile @ 5%, and a downhill run to the finish.
If you've ever used a computrainer, you know that the hill simulation isn't all that much of a simulation. Essentially, the computer just loads the mag trainer a bit more, based on your body weight and % grade. This still favors the power riders, which I'm not. I was thinking that using the 14t, I could maintain speed through the flats at a lower cadence, lug up the 'hill', and really wrap up the spin on the downhill. That's pretty much what I did last year, and it seemed to work, but I still could have used more gear at the end, which was part of the reason for using the 14t this year.
You're probably asking yourself at this point what sort of malfunction I have that would lead me to choose a fixed gear. Two reasons:
A) I like fixed gears. I think they're cool. I'm comfortable spinning and I think it's good training. Others will disagree with that last participle, and to that I say 'fuck you you fucking fuck'.
2) I know I stand a spanish climbers chance of doing well at paris-roubaix here, but I like having a mid winter competition goal. Besides, it makes me feel good to beat the majority of the riders on a bike they're afraid the ride.
Truth be told, I'm kind of glad I really have no potential to be in a leading position. They had the leaders sit in a platform, with a sign in front that said Harpoon Hot Stool.
Can I just say, I really don't need to be sitting in box labeled 'HOT STOOL'?
This year, the first 6+ 'flat' miles went as well as I had hoped. I kept a good speed and cadence (about 90rpm/25mph) up the the 'hill'. The 14t was just too much, and I ended up working it so hard to maintain any kind of speed that I really couldn't spin it up on the downhill. One of the drawbacks to the computrainer is that once your speed drops, the load becomes unrealistic. I think it becomes more linear with a higher low-limit, rather than exponential. At least that's the way it feels. I've been riding fixed gears for over 20 years, so I think I have a great deal of experience to make a qualified judgment on the subject.
Also, the downhills are _quite_ unrealistic. Once again, I think the calculation is off, and it doesn't
simulate low-loads well at all. The average geared riders should easily be able to maintain 40 mph on the downhill, but I saw very few over 35.
A point on system calibration needs to be made here. Since the computer calculates the load based on your weight, it's pretty crucial that the weights are entered using the same reference i.e. scale. Last year, they had a bathroom scale that weighed about 8 pounds heavy. This year, same scale. This wouldn't be an issue since it affects everyone, except that;
They stopped using it half way through the night.
My weigh in was 156. I've never weighed over 155 in my life, and I know I don't now. There are three scale I use regularly (1 at home, two at work), and they are within 1 pound of each other. This off-season I've tipped at 151 once (after xmas gorgefests, three days in a row), and generally hover in the 147 range. So now, the later riders we being _asked_ what their weigh is. I can imagine the number of people that answered that honestly could number less that the number of beers in a case. So now, not only were us earlier riders being weighed heavier, but later riders were, with few exceptions, entering lighter weights than what they were. Hell, I'd
like to say I weighed 140. So lets say, a guy tells the tech he weighs 140 when he's really much closer to my weight. I get plugged in at 156 - there's a 16 pound differential. Tell me how that affects the loading on the 'hill'.
End rant.
Anyways - results:
* 21:37 - 25 second improvement over last year
* avg speed 22.2
* 270 avg watts, weigh in of 156 lbs - 3.80 W/Kg
* overall place 75/232
* Taking the elite riders out of the results: 53/218
* a 45+ analysis 11/39, better than I usually do in road time trials
I beat all of the women this year too. The results will tell you that Karen Smyers (pro triathlete) did a time of 21:04, but that was actually her team time (from the team heat). Her individual time was actually 21:43. Hey ya gotta have goals, right?
The views from my trainer
So, with much fanfare and local media hype (including a reporter for WBUR/NPRs 'Only A Game'), the 2nd annual Harpoon Ale indoor time Trial was held at their Boston brewery this past saturday.
The riders were instructed to set up their trainers for warm up in the warehouse area, which, as the pictures above show, is lined with racks of freshly bottled beer on pallets, 24 feet high, ready to ship.
Now, I'm not a huge fan of Harpoon ales. I think they fell into that American craft brewed trap of trying to out 'hop' the next guy. Sam Adams is guilty of this too. I like the Harpoon UFO (a very good, but not great hefeweisen), but their standard bearer IPA isn't very well balanced IMHO. Many will disagree, and that is your right. It's a subjective critique on my part. However, saturday they were offering a newer (for them) beer on tap. A nicely balanced and full flavored red ale of the Irish variety, called the Celtic (that's Keltic, not Seltic). Also of note is a new beer, the UFO Pale Ale. It was very good as well, though not as good as the Celtic, without the hop heaviness prevalent in most of their other beers. I recommend both of them if you're not into this hop madness.
Still, the allure of beer and bikes was too hard to pass up. The competition area is actually at the end of the final packaging area, where the cases of beer loaded onto the aforementioned pallets.
Since the race was on saturday this year, it promised to be a bit better attended than last year. This year, they had the open class, an elite class that had professional/sponsored riders, a clydesdale class (200+ lbs), and a veterans class (50+). By the time everything was done, they had 270 preregistrants and 268 starters. I'm not an elite, I'm not 50, and I'm way under 200 pounds.
I have details of my race below, but I though I would go into a secondary reason for my participation - the entertainment value.
I like going into Boston. There's a certain eclecticism about a city where half the residents between september an may are college students. That demographic usually promises interesting entertainment, as hanging out any weekend night in Harvard Square will show.
The first notable occurrence was the cold. I'm sure it never got above 20 that day, and I'm sure it had an effect on spectator attendance. The warehouse is only heated to prevent it from freezing the beer, so it can get cold. It was probably in the 50's inside. This pretty much dashed any hopes for hot chick sightings. Granted, there were quite a few attractive women competitors there. I mean, I really didn't expect to see this:
Or anything like this:
but I really thought I would see something like:
(I do luv a tattooed hipster chick)
and I would have paid extra for this:
But, between the cold, and the lack of hot chicks in cycling in general, I was somewhat disappointed.
The Masters men was a gentlemanly affair, with most of them knowing each other and competing in an almost victorian sportsmanship. Very cordial, congratulations all around to each other regardless of their performance.
Contrast that with the next heat - an open event - predominantly a younger crowd from the boston area, with full entourages of young urban hipsters and young professional hipster wannabes. This dude was typical:
Note the boxers in the jeans. I wrote in my last blogpost, that I don't think he brought a change of clothes. This would mean going back out into the cold winter air with soaking wet boxers and damp jeans. mmmmmmmmmmmmm, comfy.
But this heat was rowdy. Most of the spectators had already been there an hour longer than planned because the heats were running so late, and they passed the time at the taps. The room was packed to the point it was tough to maneuver, much like a packed bar. People were yelling, screaming, patting the target of their support on the back during the race, spilling beer. Think of the theater scene in "the triplets of belleville", without the cigarette smoke.
They had a Clydesdale division - all I can say is, those poor bikes. I'm amazed at how thin aluminum tubes can put up with that much stress. Some of these guys were sustaining over 400 watts. Yeah, I know in relative terms it ain't a lot, but in absolute terms, the forces those bikes and trainers were being subjected to....A word on fashion for the less-than-svelte male: Bibshorts, HRM chest strap, and manboobs are _not_ a pleasing aesthetic. It isn't _your_ nipples I'm interested in seeing poking through mesh suspenders, those aren't the titties that made Titties and Beer famous. I was going to get a picture for this post, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
By the time my teammates arrived for their heat - supposed to start at 8:15 - the bathrooms had been used by literally hundreds of people. They wisely made one of the womens rooms into a mens room, but you now how accurate men with beer are. I'm just hoping they got to clean them before Monday morning, when some hapless woman had to hit the can before having her coffee. I know what it looked like when I used it, and they were open for another 4 hours after that.
They has a Team heat also. They had one team at each of the three 8 person stations, and then turned on the drafting feature. This ostensibly lightens to load when you get within a certain number of feet 'behind' another rider. The problem here is that none of the athletes had ever done it before, and they were all trigeeks. TRi-geeks can't pack race, with a few exceptions. They don't know how to ride a wheel, and don't know how to pace in a group. Now, it took a good 15 minutes to get all the bikes set-up and calibrated, then they had to explain how the drafting worked. well, half of them didn't understand the drafting concept to begin with, and once they explained how it worked, they had to explain how to read the display to note your position, and your distance to the rider in front of you. This took another 15 minutes. I'm thinking they need to scrap that idea for next year.
Local Blogging Legend Thom P also ventured into the cold january evening to race with the elite field. Well, he _is_ sponsored after all. I guess once someone starts giving you bikes and clothes to race, you should damn well be racing with the big guns. Thom got there early enough to prepare for his heat at 9 PM, but they were almost two hours late, so thom proceeded to drink beer for 3 hours. Now, thom brought his new 29r single speed (NOT fixed gear) - 32x17 (I may have that wrong, but not by much). He obvious only intended to work on his aerobic capacity, since there's no way in hell he was going to generate any power even on the hill with a gear that small. But then there was some mechanical issue. I had heard he needed an 8mm hex key for something, but over on his blog he talks about the skewer not fitting in the trainer. I don't know what he was running for a skewer, but it looks like a quick release from the pictures, and they had an extra skewer for each station just in case this problem came up. Instead, he decided to borrow a road bike. Thom hates road bikes. He rode 90% of the course standing up, and taking beer feeds. Even still I only beat him by 30 seconds. You suck.
Last year, I did the TT on a lark. I found out about it and registered last minute, so I hadn't done any focused training. I rode a 52x16 fixed gear (NOT a single speed freewheel), and did ok. This year, I had a target established, worked more focused workouts into my regular training, and planned ahead.
This year I chose a 52x14. The 'course' is to simulate the last 8 miles of the B2B (brewery to brewery) charity ride that harpoon sponsors every year. The actual course is mostly flat with a hill at the end - something like 3/4 mile @ 5%, and a downhill run to the finish.
If you've ever used a computrainer, you know that the hill simulation isn't all that much of a simulation. Essentially, the computer just loads the mag trainer a bit more, based on your body weight and % grade. This still favors the power riders, which I'm not. I was thinking that using the 14t, I could maintain speed through the flats at a lower cadence, lug up the 'hill', and really wrap up the spin on the downhill. That's pretty much what I did last year, and it seemed to work, but I still could have used more gear at the end, which was part of the reason for using the 14t this year.
You're probably asking yourself at this point what sort of malfunction I have that would lead me to choose a fixed gear. Two reasons:
A) I like fixed gears. I think they're cool. I'm comfortable spinning and I think it's good training. Others will disagree with that last participle, and to that I say 'fuck you you fucking fuck'.
2) I know I stand a spanish climbers chance of doing well at paris-roubaix here, but I like having a mid winter competition goal. Besides, it makes me feel good to beat the majority of the riders on a bike they're afraid the ride.
Truth be told, I'm kind of glad I really have no potential to be in a leading position. They had the leaders sit in a platform, with a sign in front that said Harpoon Hot Stool.
Can I just say, I really don't need to be sitting in box labeled 'HOT STOOL'?
This year, the first 6+ 'flat' miles went as well as I had hoped. I kept a good speed and cadence (about 90rpm/25mph) up the the 'hill'. The 14t was just too much, and I ended up working it so hard to maintain any kind of speed that I really couldn't spin it up on the downhill. One of the drawbacks to the computrainer is that once your speed drops, the load becomes unrealistic. I think it becomes more linear with a higher low-limit, rather than exponential. At least that's the way it feels. I've been riding fixed gears for over 20 years, so I think I have a great deal of experience to make a qualified judgment on the subject.
Also, the downhills are _quite_ unrealistic. Once again, I think the calculation is off, and it doesn't
simulate low-loads well at all. The average geared riders should easily be able to maintain 40 mph on the downhill, but I saw very few over 35.
A point on system calibration needs to be made here. Since the computer calculates the load based on your weight, it's pretty crucial that the weights are entered using the same reference i.e. scale. Last year, they had a bathroom scale that weighed about 8 pounds heavy. This year, same scale. This wouldn't be an issue since it affects everyone, except that;
They stopped using it half way through the night.
My weigh in was 156. I've never weighed over 155 in my life, and I know I don't now. There are three scale I use regularly (1 at home, two at work), and they are within 1 pound of each other. This off-season I've tipped at 151 once (after xmas gorgefests, three days in a row), and generally hover in the 147 range. So now, the later riders we being _asked_ what their weigh is. I can imagine the number of people that answered that honestly could number less that the number of beers in a case. So now, not only were us earlier riders being weighed heavier, but later riders were, with few exceptions, entering lighter weights than what they were. Hell, I'd
like to say I weighed 140. So lets say, a guy tells the tech he weighs 140 when he's really much closer to my weight. I get plugged in at 156 - there's a 16 pound differential. Tell me how that affects the loading on the 'hill'.
End rant.
Anyways - results:
* 21:37 - 25 second improvement over last year
* avg speed 22.2
* 270 avg watts, weigh in of 156 lbs - 3.80 W/Kg
* overall place 75/232
* Taking the elite riders out of the results: 53/218
* a 45+ analysis 11/39, better than I usually do in road time trials
I beat all of the women this year too. The results will tell you that Karen Smyers (pro triathlete) did a time of 21:04, but that was actually her team time (from the team heat). Her individual time was actually 21:43. Hey ya gotta have goals, right?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
On Ass
I did the Harpoon Ale Indoor TT last saturday. I'll write more on that after they publish the results, but this post is more of a flight of fantasy.
At the TT, one of the heats was predominantly attended by a group of local hipsters, replete with male tramp stamps and visible piercings. Since the heats were already well over an hour late by that point, the hipster entourages had been hanging around drinking fresh craft brews for about 90 minutes. Spilled beer, WOOWOOing hop-buzzed girlfriends, and adult professional hipster wannabe friends and families of the hipsters. It resmembled the infield of a munich six-day race circa 1927, minus the cigarette smoke.
Note the urban-fashion requirement of the boxers fully exposed outside of the jeans on this stereotype:
Yes, he's wearing jeans and boxers. No chamois. Now, I'm not enough of a snob to think that everytime a casual cyclist gets on a bike they should be wearing cycling shorts. I don't begrudge the student/hipster/commuter for choosing to eschew practical cycling attire. Hey, it's your balls that are going to chafe, not mine (unless you're into that sort of thing). But this wasn't exactly a casual cruise to the local wifi cafe. This was 20+ minutes riding at maximum effort, sweating bullets within 5 minutes. What I read was that he didn't have a change of clothes. I don't know how he got home, but it was FUCKING cold out, and this douche left with soaking wet boxers inside damp jeans. Yeah. That's comfy.
Anyways, as I was surfing around the web today, I came across some cheezy hipster mentoring website called Hipster Runoff, which in-turn directed me to something I find infintely more interesting, entertaining, and downright American: Womens Asses.
American Apparel, yet another clothing designer attempting to define Cool to the white suburban middle class adolescent mall shopper based on the premise that their clothes are what the white urban middle class adolescent boutique shoppers find cool, has launched a Best Ass contest.
This is something, above almost all else, that I feel eminently qualified for. Not to participate, mind you (though I've been as recently as a few weeks ago been complimented by a couple of women I don't know), but as a critic. You see, I love womens asses. I'm much more of an Ass Man, than a Breast Man, and since the moment of my first internet connection I've been perusing asses worlwide. Where I used to have be discrete in public, I can now mutter innane adolescent interjections at the computer screen.
Well, as you can imagine, an open internet contest for Best Ass is bound to draw alot of contestants. As of this blog entry, they have over 650 entries. A quick tour:
There are a number of male asses posted since this contest is for a best female _and_ male ass, so you ladies can peruse the offerings as well. I'm not going there.
All of these were copied from their website. Mind you, I like everyone of these asses. As a connoisseur, it is incumbent upon me to critic each ass for it's merits, and it's detriments. Objective critique, not subjective projections. Does the sommelier offer his personal preferences? No, he discusses his customers preferences and makes a suggestion based on objective observance of each wines merits. A true connoisseur may have a personal favorite, yet he appreciates a finely crafted wine and is not afraid to venture to taste something new.
Ass should be appreciated for shape, definition, tone, and presentation. The venue for American Apparels contest is woefully inadequate. The resolution is too low, and too much is left up to the submitter in terms of technical and artistic production.
That said, from the persepective of a Red Blooded American Male looking at a female ass model, my vote goes to The Debutante. But, there are cars you keep waxed in the garage, and cars you drive. For a great ride, give me the Bodacious Booty any day.
At the TT, one of the heats was predominantly attended by a group of local hipsters, replete with male tramp stamps and visible piercings. Since the heats were already well over an hour late by that point, the hipster entourages had been hanging around drinking fresh craft brews for about 90 minutes. Spilled beer, WOOWOOing hop-buzzed girlfriends, and adult professional hipster wannabe friends and families of the hipsters. It resmembled the infield of a munich six-day race circa 1927, minus the cigarette smoke.
Note the urban-fashion requirement of the boxers fully exposed outside of the jeans on this stereotype:
Yes, he's wearing jeans and boxers. No chamois. Now, I'm not enough of a snob to think that everytime a casual cyclist gets on a bike they should be wearing cycling shorts. I don't begrudge the student/hipster/commuter for choosing to eschew practical cycling attire. Hey, it's your balls that are going to chafe, not mine (unless you're into that sort of thing). But this wasn't exactly a casual cruise to the local wifi cafe. This was 20+ minutes riding at maximum effort, sweating bullets within 5 minutes. What I read was that he didn't have a change of clothes. I don't know how he got home, but it was FUCKING cold out, and this douche left with soaking wet boxers inside damp jeans. Yeah. That's comfy.
Anyways, as I was surfing around the web today, I came across some cheezy hipster mentoring website called Hipster Runoff, which in-turn directed me to something I find infintely more interesting, entertaining, and downright American: Womens Asses.
American Apparel, yet another clothing designer attempting to define Cool to the white suburban middle class adolescent mall shopper based on the premise that their clothes are what the white urban middle class adolescent boutique shoppers find cool, has launched a Best Ass contest.
This is something, above almost all else, that I feel eminently qualified for. Not to participate, mind you (though I've been as recently as a few weeks ago been complimented by a couple of women I don't know), but as a critic. You see, I love womens asses. I'm much more of an Ass Man, than a Breast Man, and since the moment of my first internet connection I've been perusing asses worlwide. Where I used to have be discrete in public, I can now mutter innane adolescent interjections at the computer screen.
Well, as you can imagine, an open internet contest for Best Ass is bound to draw alot of contestants. As of this blog entry, they have over 650 entries. A quick tour:
We have the Bodacious Booty:
The Track Star:
The Debutante:
The Hampster Dance:
and, the Trying Too Hard:
There are a number of male asses posted since this contest is for a best female _and_ male ass, so you ladies can peruse the offerings as well. I'm not going there.
All of these were copied from their website. Mind you, I like everyone of these asses. As a connoisseur, it is incumbent upon me to critic each ass for it's merits, and it's detriments. Objective critique, not subjective projections. Does the sommelier offer his personal preferences? No, he discusses his customers preferences and makes a suggestion based on objective observance of each wines merits. A true connoisseur may have a personal favorite, yet he appreciates a finely crafted wine and is not afraid to venture to taste something new.
Ass should be appreciated for shape, definition, tone, and presentation. The venue for American Apparels contest is woefully inadequate. The resolution is too low, and too much is left up to the submitter in terms of technical and artistic production.
That said, from the persepective of a Red Blooded American Male looking at a female ass model, my vote goes to The Debutante. But, there are cars you keep waxed in the garage, and cars you drive. For a great ride, give me the Bodacious Booty any day.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
'Picture Of The Year' and The World Class Upgrade
PICTURE OF THE YEAR
Every race I do, I look to see if there was a photographer that may have snapped a decent picture or two of me (don't even tell me you don't have a folder on your pc with pictures of you racing. I'll call you a liar). I figure, when I get too old to race, I'll have something to show my grandkids. Of all the shots I managed to dig up of my 2009 season, I liked this one the best.
Yes, I know it has the photographers logo on it, and I'm not publishing it without compensation. I did in fact buy an 8x10 semi-gloss. It looks WAY better than what you see here. It was taken at the Orchard Cross race in october 2009.
WORLD CLASS UPGRADE
Last fall, the day before the Pinnacle Challenge, the shock fork on my MTB started locking up. Closer inspection showed the anodization on the stantion tubes actually worn off. I had seen this already but the fork seemed to work fine. Bear in mind this was a 2001 SID, and it's been ridden hard, as you can see.
Of course, I didn't have time to replace it before the race, so I raced on it. Can't say it slowed me down all that much, other issues were at play there. So, I could have A) bought a repair kit and fixed it, or B) just bought a new one. Since the legs were so worn, I chose B, and found a nice new upgrade on Ebay.
A brand new 2009 Rock Shox World Cup. I got it for a bit more than 50% of retail (hey, I may have bought it retail and supported my LBS of a certain other blogger had bothered to answer my emails to him about that specific issue, more on that below). Uncut steerer, no races or brake hardware ever installed. Allegedly it was part of a build kit from BDH bikes in canada, and the cutomer wanted something else so this one was set aside. I installed it but haven't had the chance to ride it, I've been on Son-Of-Ice bike. It _does_ look quite sharp though.
I've ordered a rebuild kit anyways, what the hell, I'll give it a try. I'm mean, how hard could it be? Bike shop mechanics do it all the time.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
What better way to advance the health and welfare of the people than for the u.s. supreme court to allow that people with the most money get the loudest voice?
What better way to celebrate the legacy of Ted Kennedy than to send a vapid neocon sock puppet to 'represent' massachusetts?
What better way to show appreciation for contributing to a non-charitable fund than by _not_ sending a thank-you note, and subsequently removing my most recent comments from your blog? (ignoring emails about possibly buying a new shock fork didn't help either, ok, I get the hint.)
This week, instead of perusing news repositories and my expansive list of 'blogs i follow', I've spent my idle periods at work playing solitaire and mine sweeper (not the internet versions). There will be a lot more of that (or is it, a lot _less_ of that?) as I focus instead on introspection, and reseting and re-enforcing my personal goals and sensibilities.
So, I'm checking out for a while, and that is _truly_ a World Class Upgrade.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
such silliness....(updated!!)
Go here. If you're at work you might want to turn down the sound. Select FF+G, the 'Extreme'.
It's CGI, but entertaining none the less.
And from the "How Not To Train" files. A weight lifting fail
It's CGI, but entertaining none the less.
And from the "How Not To Train" files. A weight lifting fail
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Son Of Ice Bike
Yesterday, I got two and a half hours on Ice Bike. That's Son Of Ice Bike, not This Ice bike.
Son Of Ice Bike is a circa 1997 K2 (Pro-Flex) 3000 FS with a Girvin Elite fork. I got this bike when I broke the swing arm on my first racing MTB (1993 Pro-flex 753). Pro-flex had been acquired by K2, and they no longer made real cross country bikes. The local rep gave me a wicked good deal on the 3000, but it was a few pounds heavier and not as nimble. In short, it wasn't cross-country-race-worthy. I gave it to my wife, who swung her leg over the saddle exactly once, and didn't leave the drive way. I let her have it since her bike was an old non-descript tank that was heavy and uncomfortable, allegedly the reason she nover rode it. This thing is beyond plush, and I even gave her a wide soft saddle and wide 26" city tires to smooth it out more. I mean, this bike was a barcalounger with 26" wheels.
So I swapped out the 'wife' saddle, the short/high reach stem, and city tires.The bike is heavy, especially with the custom made IRC pirannha Ice Tires (loaded with 220 #6 3/8" stainless steel sheet metal screws per tire). It glides over hill and trail like a hovercraft.
So now I'm STOKED/AMPED/PSYCHED/PUMPED/HYPED for the up coming season. I'm only about two weeks behind on my weight lifting schedule, not bad considering how I got sidetracked in december.
The focus of my energies is going to be the 2010 Harpoon Brewery Indoor time Trial. I'm the current fixed gear record holder for the event.
Let's be perfectly clear - they have no fixed gear category. Saying I'm the current fixed gear record holder carries about as much weight as saying I'm the current record holder for guys in their late 40s who live 30.8 miles away with a family, two mortgages, a full-time job, and who have never won a sanctioned time trial.
But hey, it's all I got and I'm gonna hang onto it for dear life.
I leave you with a photo montage of my MTB ride through winne kenni park yesterday (ala CBS Sunday Morning). All pictures are withing the park boundaries, except for the jewish cemetary.
(clickie makie biggie)
Son Of Ice Bike is a circa 1997 K2 (Pro-Flex) 3000 FS with a Girvin Elite fork. I got this bike when I broke the swing arm on my first racing MTB (1993 Pro-flex 753). Pro-flex had been acquired by K2, and they no longer made real cross country bikes. The local rep gave me a wicked good deal on the 3000, but it was a few pounds heavier and not as nimble. In short, it wasn't cross-country-race-worthy. I gave it to my wife, who swung her leg over the saddle exactly once, and didn't leave the drive way. I let her have it since her bike was an old non-descript tank that was heavy and uncomfortable, allegedly the reason she nover rode it. This thing is beyond plush, and I even gave her a wide soft saddle and wide 26" city tires to smooth it out more. I mean, this bike was a barcalounger with 26" wheels.
So, it's been sitting in my basement for about ten years. Last winter, I went on a ride at the end of the winter in WinneKenni park, after riding the old ice bike on the heavily rutted frozen trails a week earlier and getting the shit knocked out of me. I remember looking at the 3000 thinking 'shit, she isn't going to ride that thing, and what better bike to ride on frozen rocky hilly trails than a early free-ride bike?'
So I swapped out the 'wife' saddle, the short/high reach stem, and city tires.The bike is heavy, especially with the custom made IRC pirannha Ice Tires (loaded with 220 #6 3/8" stainless steel sheet metal screws per tire). It glides over hill and trail like a hovercraft.
Yesterdays ride was sweet. The snow was 2 - 4 " deep with hard pack/ice underneath. I had no problems hooking up on any terrain, and rode the entire route having to dab once, when crossing an intersection on the way home and having to make a sudden diversion over a new snow bank as the approaching car couldn't stop.
So now I'm STOKED/AMPED/PSYCHED/PUMPED/HYPED for the up coming season. I'm only about two weeks behind on my weight lifting schedule, not bad considering how I got sidetracked in december.
The focus of my energies is going to be the 2010 Harpoon Brewery Indoor time Trial. I'm the current fixed gear record holder for the event.
Let's be perfectly clear - they have no fixed gear category. Saying I'm the current fixed gear record holder carries about as much weight as saying I'm the current record holder for guys in their late 40s who live 30.8 miles away with a family, two mortgages, a full-time job, and who have never won a sanctioned time trial.
But hey, it's all I got and I'm gonna hang onto it for dear life.
I leave you with a photo montage of my MTB ride through winne kenni park yesterday (ala CBS Sunday Morning). All pictures are withing the park boundaries, except for the jewish cemetary.
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