the zen of cycling

I’ll Rise Above It, I’m A Professional - FNF

2011-12-30T10:21:00.000-08:00

Has this ever happened to you?

Little Sandwiches

(You can click by the ad in a few seconds)

No, I don’t mean having a meltdown over the condiments backstage, I mean making the decision to not sweat the small stuff (oh, and just for the record, it’s _not_ all small stuff, Dr. Carlson(with apologies to his family)).

Most of it is, however. Certainly an olive lacking a pimento stuffing is small stuff, as is snapping the derailleur, bending a spoke, and twisting the chain off my MTB last weekend when a stick jammed in the rear wheel. Missing parts for an auto repair could be big, if it results in not being able to get to work and losing your job. However, in GeWillie’s case, we know it’s not.

I’m lucky. Very lucky. I’ve had some major incidents occur this year, but nothing that could qualify as ‘big stuff’, IOW – nothing that resulted in a serious disruption. Nothing that we weren’t able to ‘absorb’.

Many others are/were not so fortunate over the past year. I’m not going to go into a long list of the good and bad over this past year, there’s plenty of that about, but I will talk about my new years’ resolution.

It’s mundane, in the grand scheme of things, to say the least. In fact, it’s not as much of a resolution as it is putting a long-term plan into action. A plan I’ve been harboring for a few years now, waiting to unleash on an un-suspecting public.

In 2012 I will turn 50 years old (no, that isn’t my resolution, dipshit). Can you remember the first time you were cognizant of a 50-year-old being 50 years old? 30 years ago, there was old, and there wasn’t. I didn’t know too many 50-year-olds, and the ones I did know weren’t very tolerant of me (with good reason, I might add). Well, now I’m that age, and I think I’m more tolerant of impetuous youth than most of the people I knew who are a generation ahead of me. That isn’t to say though, that If I were to meet a 20-year-old me I wouldn’t feel like giving me/him a bitch slap.

No, It’s not a point of me being 50, it’s a point of goals. I don’t know of anyone in my demographic who has any goals of note, but that’s understandable. When you get to the half-century mark, unless your life has serious problems, your goals are generally “lose weight”, “eat healthy”, “spend less money on porn”, etc…..not me.

I’ve been planning something _big_.....for me anyways. Ready?

When I’m 50 years old, I want to run a 5 minute mile. Just one. I already know I can run a 440 in 1:10 with a reasonable amount of training, but it was painful, and I wouldn't be able to do it twice within a few days. A couple of years ago I ran 4 – 440’s at 1:15, but that was interval training, and I needed significant recovery in between. At that time, I could break a 6 minute mile and did so in quite a few running races – that would be for like, the first mile.

Now, I know it’s a tall order. According to the USATF 2011 masters outdoor track national championships results, very few 50-55 men can run that pace, and none of the 50-55 women can. Granted, those are for a 1500 meter event, but the math is easy. A five minute mile translates into about a 4:40 1500. If I could run 5 minute mile, that would put me in the top ten nationally. So, yeah…tall order. I live next to our local high school, and their track is open to the public for all intents and purposes. It’s a good track, one of those rubberized jobs designed to drain water. As an ancillary goal, I’d also like to run a sub-30 minute 5 mile road race. That’s going to be orders of magnitude easier, since I was able to get two races in the past few years at a 6:10 pace. Trimming that to a 6:00 pace shouldn't be too hard.

I’m giving myself until September 10, 2013 to reach this goal. That’s my 51^st birthday. I’ll train this year – lots of short intervals, and see where I am on September 10. Then I’ll hire a coach to get me the rest of the way. I don’t know who yet, but I’ll find someone by then.

Back to the point of this entry - sweating small stuff – Even if I don’t run a 5 minute mile by my 51^stbirthday, I won’t view it as a massive failure. Who knows, I may be physically unable to run a 5 minute mile. I may _never_ have been able to run a 5 minute mile. I’ll never know until I try. If I do, great. If not, it won’t be because I didn't give it an honest effort.

In the end, in the grand scheme of things, no one will really care but me. My obituary won’t read “ran a 4:59 mile on September 9, 2013”. Even if it did, I would hope people would see it as something admirable, but not something that defined me, and not the sole notable accomplishment of my life. Because it really _is_ a little thing.

But, I know you didn’t come here to read some narcissistic blather about me and my goals. You know what you came here for, and here she is…

The Greatest Story Ever Told

2011-12-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry my perverted peeps, no FNF today. Instead, I leave you with a link to a blogger/author with possibly the finest wit on the web.

Behold....The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas

Totally safe for work and family, provided you don't take immaculate conception too seriously

FNF - An Homage To Steve Jobs

2011-12-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

There's probably nothing in the following blog entry that you either don't already know, will change any opinions you have about the late mogul, or possibly even care about. However, in a diversion from the usual pabulum the readers of this blog usually endure, I felt a compulsion to regurgitate an entirely different flavor of pabulum. I know there are at least a few of you who will appreciate this blog entry, and it's for you that I publish such nonsense.
Love him or hate him, Steve Jobs was an enigma who in no small part helped shape society as we've come to know it. While I'm sure he _imagined_ the ubiquity of his "I" devices, it's probably not possible he could have predicted how smartphones and personal audio devices have be ascribed the generic labels of Iphone and Ipod, or how the "I" prefix would be been co-opted by just about every two bit marketing douche trying to sell some useless and unusable low-cost gadget. I'm sure he was satisfied how Pixar animation studios created an entirely new genre of movies that redefined what the world has come to expect in animation, while lamenting how The windows operating system 'adopted' the apple 'point and click' graphic user interface to become the worlds predominant computer operating system.
But, I'm sure even the visionary Jobs couldn't have predicted what is arguably one of the most appreciated results of his drive, ingenuity, and tenacity (by those of my ilk). Of course, I refer to the "sext message". Certainly, sending spontaneous sexually explicit text messages and pictures predated the introduction of the Iphone by several years, but it took the integration of sexy hip applications into a sexy hip package sold by a sexy hip marketing plan - all created and driven by Steve Jobs - to bring us the delightful cornucopia of media by sexy hip hotties that people of my age could only imagine when we were young and single enough to actually consider doing any more than reposting them in a lame blog entry.

I leave you with a special FNF treat, an Iphone photo essay.

FNF - If I was any less motivated my heart would stop and I would die

2011-11-30T17:24:00.000-08:00

Just fucking die. Yes, it's that end of the season doldrums. I have no more racing scheduled, and don't want to. I _should_ be attempting to motivate for my weight training phase...ok, got one set in monday...but when I got home tonight...

nothing...

nada.....

zzzzzzz.....

I had full intentions of riding on the road at work today (I'm actually writing this wednesday night), but had a dr's appt in the afternoon so I couldn't afford the long 'lunch'. Got to the Dr's office and it was closed. Checked my phone for a message....found it was off....turned it on....there was the message.....recorded at 9:30 this morning.

If I had the thing on I would have got the message before lunch and gone on the ride....

Get the message?

So now I'm doing one of my default uber-boredom pastimes: web surfing for my two favorite things in the world - bikes and lesbians. So here it is, written wednesday and thursday for a FNF post - Bikes and Lesbians (in special consideration for my friend-from-down-under)

Enjoy.

Peace Out, Mother Fuckers

Paradise

2011-11-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

(Click here for the soundtrack to this blog entry, turn it up)

I've been thinking about death lately. I can't say there's been any specific reason. I don't recall any specific trigger such as the death of anyone I know that started it, but it occurred to me that death has been on my mind for some time now. Sporadically, though often enough that I've begun to think not only about death but I've also to think about thinking about death.

A couple of weeks ago I saw the old Italian film by Vittorio De Sica " Bicycle Thieves " on the TCM network. I can't say it was particularly compelling. It seemed strained....contrived. Probably that it was filmed in 1948 and was subtitled didn't help. Probably that it was intended for a post-war Italian audience didn't help.

One thing it definitely was - nihilistic.

I'm not nihilistic, but these thoughts I've been having regarding the nature and implications of death from both personal and influential perspectives certainly seem to be. Bicycle Thieves makes no bones about nihilism. De Sica might just have well ended the film with a graphic that said "what's the fucking point" instead of "Fine" (that's pronounced "feen-ay" for you English-only types).

From time to time, I look at my life and everyone else’s on the planet in the context of the implications of the consequences of our actions 100's of millennia from now. Realistically, it won't fucking matter. It won't matter to anyone (if anyone is still alive) 10,000 years from now if I'm rich or poor, altruistic or greedy, industrious or lazy. It doesn't make any difference to me now if Oog drew a woolly mammoth on his cave wall in Lascaux 20,000 years ago, and it won't matter 20,000 years from now if I publish this blog post or not.

(spoiler alert!)

In Bicycle Thieves, Antonio Ricci is scrambling for a job to support his family in post-war Rome. He gets one as a bill poster, but it requires a bicycle to get to the job locations. His bicycle is broken, and in order to pay for the repair he is forced to sell his wedding linens. The first day on the job his bicycle is stolen and the rest of the movie is spent on the recovery effort. His relationship with his young son is pushed as he tries to maintain a sense of morality for his sons benefit in the midst of the sinking depression that he knows he might not be able to feed him tomorrow. In the end, in order to keep his job he attempts to steal a bike, but is caught immediately. He is surrounded by friends of the owner of the bike, ready to beat him to a bloody pulp at the word of the victim. The victim orders them to let him go, as he can do no more harm. I got the impression that De Sica was trying to evoke the sentiment that Antonio was already dead inside, and the owner of the bike knew that. Antonio started the movie living as an inconsequential member of the nameless masses, and that's how he ended it, if you can call that living.

I'm not dead inside. I realized that when I watched the movie. I have a sense of purpose, regardless of whether that sense has any long term implications or not.

Now, I suppose the argument could be made that Oogs cave drawings did indeed have a bearing on humanity 20,000 years hence. One could argue that Oogs drawings were created with a sense of purpose, much like the sense of purpose this blog is written with. One could argue: as Homo sapiens sapiens evolved, the expression of daily life in cave drawings evolved into art as it is known today. One could argue that Bicycle Thieves had a critical influence on modern cinema. These things may be true. This is why I’m not a nihilist, still, I’m hardly an optimist.

One day this drifting mass of rock mostly covered with water and suffering from an infection known as the human race will be reduced to its constituent elements as our sun transforms into a red giant and engulfs all the planets in the inner solar system. We'll be long gone by then, and any mark that any one of us is arrogant enough to consider to have been relevant will cease to be. At that instance, the shit I left in my toilet this morning will be roughly equivalent in importance to the entire works of Shakespeare and Mozart, and Oog combined.

But I have a sense of purpose. To be honest, I have no idea what it is. I know it’s what gets me up in the morning. I know it’s what makes me want to draft trucks at 46 MPH (NSFW), or drink the occasional toxic distillate. It's what makes me want to defend my wife and daughter with my life, and why I know I'll be an emotional wreck when the day comes that I'll have to put my dog into her final sleep. I am alive inside.

I may be cynical and pessimistic, and I may not get the point of it all, but I’m not a nihilist. I’m not dead inside…….yet....but one day I hope to find paradise, be it here or in any possible existence after.

FNF - Drafting Revisited

2011-08-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

You kind of expect to hear that bad 70's porn music right about now - bow chicka wow wow...

Anyways....

Generally speaking I don't find that new hampshire has much to offer a socialist liberal atheist like myself. However, they do two things very well - they maintain the national forest land, and they keep their roads in great shape. One of the sections of road I have to travel to get to my job now is a 4 mile stretch of route 111 where it crosses route 3 and heads west ( yes, in new hampshire, just in case you aren't aware). I actually take route 111 from Windham near the route 93 interchange to quite near the Mass border for my commute, but for the purposes of this blog entry, we'll stick with the western terminus.

This section of road is - much like the rest of route 111 all the way to the seacoast - in great shape. Smooth, wide shoulders, very few patches or any other non-asphalt items to break up the tarmac. Add to that very gentle sweeping corners, very flat terrain, no stop signs or stop lights, and nothing but residential side roads, and you have a good road for driving and riding...and drafting.

Wednesday morning I crossed the highway and saw a large box truck waiting at the last stop light for the next 4 miles. It popped it into the big ring, passed a few cars and tucked in behind the truck. I had no idea how far he was going. He could very well have pulled off at the next side road.

But he didn't.

He kept going...and going....and going.

He kept a smooth steady pace of about 40 for most of it, but as he crossed the town line from nashua to hollis, he pushed the speed up to about 45. My computer registered a maximum speed of 46.8. That's a drafting record for me, my previous some years ago being 46.

Now, I know what you're thinking...."47 mph on flat ground? something is wrong with your computer".

Well, no. You can see from the downloaded data above my cadence was in the high 120s.

Do the math.

A 700c wheel with a 23C tire has a circumference of 6.67 feet. I have a 53x11 on this bike which is a ratio of 4.81, so one turn of the cranks moves the bike 32 feet (4.81*6.67 = 32.13).

47 mph is 4136 feet per minute. Therefore, if you divide the speed by the distance for each pedal revolution, you get you cadence in revolutions per minute. 4136/32.13 = 128.7 rpm. Check the max cadence in the data above, you get...128 RPM.

You can also see from the data I wasn't working very hard. My heart rate actually dropped as my speed increased. Aside from the initial effort to catch the draft (peaked at 650 watts), it was pretty easy going.

But, I know you didn't come here today for a math lesson, so here is what you _did_ come for, Fully Naked Friday, Gotta luv a woman that can accessorize.......

Enjoy

FnF - on the precipice of a cataclysm

2011-08-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the irony of life really makes you stop and wonder. Regular readers of this blog probably know that I do rather stupid things on a regular basis, generally involving going very fast on bicycles behind large vehicles on public roadways. You need to have a bike you can trust for that, as well as be very trusting of the the condition of the road and the driver of the vehicle you're drafting.

Some of you may remember last winters' project - the Quasi-Kellog built up as fixed-gear (39x14). I rode the bike to a cookout last weekend, 22+ miles, relatively flat with a few short steep hills that require getting out of the saddle in the drops and muscling the bike over the pitch. Less than a mile from my destination, I hopped into a truck draft while it cruised through danvers at 30 mph.

It only lasted about a 1/4 mile, but spinning a 39x14 at 30 mph in 95 degree heat takes a bit out of you (that's a cadence of about 140 for you non-math majors)

So I get to the event, ride up to the hosts and my wife (she drove down) to let them know I'm there. We chat for a minute, and I get my car keys to go load my bike in the car and get my clothes. I step back into the pedals, and with the first stroke I hear this sickening slow crack. The handle bar snapped.

The initial crack.

This is after I ripped it apart.

Less than a mile earlier, I was drafting a truck at 30 mph.

Gotta luv the irony of life.

Here it is, Your Fully Naked Friday

FnF - The World Turned Upside Down

2011-07-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

yes, it's been a while.

I've started a new job, one where - not only do I actually have to work - but one where the internet activity is seriously monitored. So, my websurfing activities have taken a major hit.

A significant aspect of my life, and indeed, my public persona, has changed. I don't like wasting time on the internet at home, I have other things I'd rather do. For example, right now I _should_ be replacing the tire I was commuting on today when I took a roofing nail through the tire and out the side wall. But, like other things recently, my world has turned upside down.

I'll get to the tire, but I also wanted to take this opportunity to comment on the 2011 Tour de France. Won by Cadel Evans, from the 'bottom of the world'. Not only the first australian to win the tour, but the first man from the southern hemisphere to win the tour. Evans deserved the win. I didn't pick him to win (though I did get both of Hushovds wins right), but schleck was not fit - glaringly obviously - and contador won the Giro, and probably didn't think he would be able to ride the tour in the face of the CAS hearing. Evans attacked for once in his career, and put on an armstrong-esque tour de force in the final time trial. The Man from the land where toilets flush backwards (not really) turned the tour on its head.

I know this isn't exactly friday as of the posting stamp, but I'm sure by the time you read this, it will be. That said, this is what you really came here for: Fully Naked Friday - the Upside Down version.

Enjoy:

FNF

2011-06-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

To those in the know, FnF is an initialism* (as opposed to an acronym - get it straight) for a nickname ascribed to a certain power blogger and local bike racer.

So, in a loose homage to FnF, in addition to a stated appreciation of the female form by another blogger of note, I've decided to institute what I hope will be a somewhat-regular feature of The Zen Of Cycling in lieu of H.N.T. - Fully Naked Friday:

During one of my regularly scheduled Bike Porn meta-searches (whether I need it or not) I happened upon a photo series of fully naked women in an off-road cycling....er...'competition'. I'm guessing this would be some sort of "cyclocross porn". Actually, I only included the term "cyclocross porn" in an attempt to see how many search engine hits I get for "cyclocross porn". Of course, I realize that repeating "cyclocross porn" in this post won't get me any more hits than if I simply typed "cyclocross porn" once, but since "cyclocross porn" isn't a term in common usage even in cycling circles (as opposed to "bike porn"), then I think typing "cyclocross porn" repeatedly wouldn't constitute making "cyclocross porn" cliche.

This cyclocross porn photo series was published originally in Escort magazine, the british print media version, circa ~1985.

Enjoy (click to enlarge)....

The Last Ride

2011-06-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

(Right click here and open in a new window, then come back and read this with the music as a soundtrack)

I took my last ride to work this morning. I'm starting a new job next week, and tomorrow is my last day at this one. I'll need to drive to work tomorrow to carry out my personal effects, so riding isn't really practical.

I'm going to miss this aspect of my old job, the commute, that is. I live 10 miles from work, and my daily commute takes me through the bucolic idyll of Boxford and North Andover, as well as the frenetic schizophrenia of downtown haverhill. I can even put together a 50 mile ride that zigzags through north andover, boxford, georgetown, groveland, and haverhill.

I will be able to ride to work at my new job, though with a distance of 28 miles doing the full commute every day would rapidly invoke the law of diminishing returns. The hiring manager is actually the same engineer that hired me into the last company I worked at before where I am now, and did so with full knowledge of my _need_ to ride. He said "I know the commute by bike would be difficult, but you could do the park-n-ride thing like you did before". When I worked with him before, I would drive to a commuter lot, then ride the rest of the way. He was one of the few people that appreciated that and even encouraged it at my last job.

My new boss called me out of the blue a few weeks ago, and asked me if I was interested in a change of scenery. I replied "sure, when do you want to set up an interview?". His response was "We don't need an interview, you're the person I want. If you want the job, you can start when you're ready". He and I got along very well when we worked together, both personally and professionally. He's been putting together an engineering team for his department with people he knows and trusts. There will be four other people in his new group that I've already worked with.

With the new commute I'll have the thrill of commuting through the heart of Nashua, as well as the rural towns of hudson, pelham, and windham. When I _do_ ride the whole 28 miles It will involve Salem and the rural section of haverhill as well. As of now, a full week of commuting miles (and no other riding) is 100 miles. With the new job that will be around 250, if I can manage three full commutes during the week. Typically though, it will be around 150. I've tried riding a full commute week at that distance before. That's tough. No, riding 30 miles each way isn't hard, but couple that with a week of trying to actually work 8 hours in between, and by the time thursday afternoon rolls around, swinging a leg over the toptube is a chore. It is for me, at least. I know guys that do it now, and the have my admiration.

Notice how I haven't really written about the job? I won't miss it. I'll miss the commute and the convenience more than anything. Truthfully, this job has been a forgettable experience. There is little camaraderie here (never has been), the technology is boring, and with the recent acquisition of the company by an international conglomerate the morale is low (yes, "the writing is on the wall", as they say). It says a lot about your job when the thing you'll miss most is the short commute. The new job has a much broader scope of responsibility, with more interesting technology.

Don't get me wrong. There are quite a few people here I like, and a few I'll genuinely miss. Generally speaking, my co-workers are nice and friendly people. However, by and large, I can't really say I'm more than a friendly acquaintance to more than a few people, and even the closest relationships have never progressed to the point where people have their co-workers over for cookouts, or even go out for drinks after work. In the past 5 years, I've stopped by the local watering holes on a friday after work, and only once have I seen a group of co-workers - they were senior managers from a different department. Not exactly the type of people that would have me as a drinkin' buddy. Nonetheless, There are no doubt people here that will utter Good Riddance upon the knowledge of my departure.

So I rode in slowly this morning. It was a nice morning - a bit cooler than I like, a bit more wind than I like - but still pleasant. I've often taken a slower ride just to appreciate the ride either to or from work though, so it isn't like I didn't already appreciate it, just that today held the melancholy of finality as well.

So this afternoon will be my last commute from this job. It's a nice day, I think I'll take the long way home.

(you didn't seriously think I'd let you go out with fucking violins, did you?)

You're Not In Kansas Anymore, Dorothy

2011-06-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

Those of you who don't live local to me may or may not have heard about a tornado that touched down in Massachusetts this week.

I don't live in fucking kansas. I don't want to live in fucking kansas. I don't like the climate, the terrain, or the political atmosphere. We have our blizzards and the occasional hurricane, and they have their tornadoes. I like it like that.

My bike team is based in the areas where the tornado hit. I actually live about 100 miles away, and we pretty much just got a few winds gusts and some spits of rain. However, I know several of my teammates live in the swath of the tempest. I was concerned for their safety, but had the common sense not to call or email them during the event. Instead, I waited until the next morning and sent out an email to the club list asking if anyone had any info. I didn't anticipate anyone who actually was exposed to the fury would reply. This is what I got back (names changed to initials):

*****

From: zen
Subject: You're not in kansas anymore, Dorothy

Did everyone make it through the storms ok last night?

JR wrote:
everyone is ok...but (JP's) neighborhood is trashed, still no power. (MN) escaped unscathed, but still no power. his town, monson, apparently got hit really hard. (DM) has no power. i was only a few miles from the initial tornado, but somehow no damage or problems in our town.

MS wrote:
(my wife's) school which is that neighborhood is probably done for the year. I guess it missing huge sections of roof. Also heard that Cathedral school is done. Probably a rumor but its structurally unsound and may need to be razed and rebuilt.

GP wrote:
I'm in the same neighborhood as (JP). Trees and power lines down everywhere. I don't expect power for 3-4 days. A tree came down in my back yard and a branch went through the roof into the dining room. The Nat'l guard is here. The noise was just incredible. I could hear it approaching, then wham and trees were going over. Just 3-4 minutes, then it was gone. Then there was torrential rain. No one hurt in our area, fortunately.

(MN) wrote:
what a wild ride last night was. first the hail (damage the cars), then the tornado, then another tornado jump right over us. then the lighting. 5 to 6 straights at a time. not your normal lighting. after all said and done. no power. lots of damage in Monson. talk to some people about their dealing. 1 lady was sucked out of her house. She ended up with lots of cut to her face and body. one house was lifted and thrown over to the next lot upside down leaving only the basement. The pastor went to their basement just in time to see the house collapsed around him and he had to hang on while the storm try to suck him out feet first.

MD wrote:
No power in this thing.......just a little wind, nothing major. NOT!

Hope everyone got through safe.

(ed. note - I embedded the video from the link in the email)

MN wrote:
I had a front seat view of the whole thing. my cars only have hail damage. the tornado pass within 200 yards from my house. Very loud.

*****

Now, this was no Joplin, but in terms of what we're used to, it was significant and substantial. It helps to put things in perspective, like the loss of lives and property in the Joplin storms, and how much more powerful that was that what we were hit with. Tornadoes rarely touchdown in new england, so when we had not only a sighting, but a sustained tornado 'event' that caused appreciable damage, it was an event worthy of the local news stations preempting the entire evening of regularly scheduled programming with almost 18 hours of regurgitated video footage and phone conversations with locals who really had nothing to say (opening them up for the inevitable Howard Stern prank call). I'm not minimizing the significance or seriousness of the event, just that the irony of a television newscaster telling people who had probably lost all venues of communication media that they should take cover and leave their TVs on for up-to-date information seemed somewhat lost on the television newscasters.

Hey, at least they had the sense to realize it was more important than going on about Weiner's weiner.

Demanding Perfection

2011-05-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong of me to consider The Butthole Surfers to be gods amoung men? This really has nothing to do with this blog post but I was just listening to The Annoying Song (arguably my favorite BHS tune) and couldn't resist. Check it out for yourself:

(crap video, keep reading after you press play)

Anyways,

I'm not normally one to bitch about the weather, so I won't do it here. Last week though - just to much cold/wet for me. 40's I'm okay with. Rain I'm ok with. 40's and rain......fuck it. As a result I managed to ride to work one day last week, on friday, national bike to work day. My company (A Major International Industrial Construction Conglomerate) had a nation wide 'bike to work challenge day' last thursday. One of the software department heads here bitched to the corporate HR rep that it wasn't realistic to expect people to brave 40 degree rain in the northeast while the southwest had temps in the 60's and sunny. They acquiesced, and decided to hold an alternate day this coming friday.

Not that it would matter to me, I ride in anyways. I've been commuting since about mid march and have probably 500 _commuting_ miles in this year. The weather has put a (ahem) 'damper' on it though.

Looking at the forecast for this week, we have warm(er) temps, with the chance of rain all week. Still, with the funky weather pattern, yesterday I wore tights and a base layer under the kit, with arm warmers, light weight booties, and full finger gloves, to and from work. Low 50's and sprinkles both trips. Today, just the kit. I left the house with arm warmers, and as soon as I stepped out I turned around and left them warmers inside. It was 65 with a drizzle when I left the house, and the forecast is for mid 80's on the ride home.

I've decided, this _will_ be a 'Perfect Week'. I got a 4 day week in a few weeks ago, which could have been 5 if I didn't have a dr's appointment, but there's no real reason I can't ride in every day this week. It might rain, but hey, if getting a little wet during my commute is the worst thing that happens to me this week, I'm doing pretty good.

On This Spot In 2011, Nothing Happened

2011-05-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

I finally got some racing under my legs this weekend, and lets just say it didn't exactly go as well as I had hoped.....or as well as anyone hoped, for that matter.

The Wayne Elliot Memorial Circuit Race is run in the sleepy little bedroom/rural community of Merrimac Massachusetts.....ten miles from my house. Since it's a short 6+ mile circuit and the promoter only has the roads for half the day, they limited the fields - only one masters field, a 50+, so I had to go play with the senior 2/3 for 7 laps.

The weather forecast was completely wrong. Instead of a partly cloudy day with temps reaching the mid 60's, it stayed cloudy and cool, actually never getting out of the 50's. The temperature was only 52 by the time the race was over.

I love the roads in this area, and I train on them often. Winding, narrow, light traffic, bucolic forests and farmland sprinkled with newer developments here and there. Merrimac is far enough from boston to dissuade large scale sub-urban sprawl. However, between the rough winter and the poor financial state of the town, the roads are in rough shape. Fine for training on, or even small group rides, but not good for an 80+ rider field.

As such, the pack was squirrly from people trying to avoid wheel-eating potholes and broken pavement. The host club (BOB cycling) did as well as they could with coldpatching and marking. The marshaling was excellent, with plenty of communications and traffic control, but the size of the field and the road conditions made it nearly impossible for the riders to not consistently ride over the center line as well as make sudden line changes.

And, as such, I was taken out by a crash 5 miles into the race.

It could have been worse. I went down as part of an unavoidable chain reaction. A rider did a sudden swerve, and hooked the rider in front of me. He went down, and I managed to avoid him by swerving to the right and off the road, into a hedge in some ones front yard. I went over the bars but the landing was soft.

I was riding near the front, and managed to get back on the bike before the rest of the pack went by, but the front wheel had skewed, the bars were twisted, and the right shifter was pointing at the left shifter. By the time I got everything re-oriented, the pack was long gone. I figured, what the hell, they'll be around again in about 20 minutes, I'll just wait for them and hop back in - it isn't like I was riding well enough to affect the race anyways.

The rider that went down in front of me is one of the better known and respected riders in new england. He had slammed the pavement pretty hard on his left hip. He was writhing in pain on the group as the EMTs tended to him. By the time the pack came around again, he was being placed on a back board. I hopped back into the field to finish the race.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "hey, you can't jump back in the race like that, you'll get disqualified".

You would be right.

As it turned out, I did three more laps, and dropped out. When I bailed the average speed was 24.5 mph. I was having trouble accelerating out of one of the corners that drops you onto the base of one of the hills on the course. It's a pure fitness issue. I called it quits at the top of that climb, looked behind me and saw riders in ones and twos all the way down.

Back at the finish, I was informed that the officials had actually stopped the race at one point and warned the entire field that they would be DQd if the yellow line violations continued. I watched them come by with one to go then, and they weren't exactly hammering. It's one of those cases where, if I had just stayed in on that lap I bailed (I was actually in the pack when I decided to quit), it would have slowed down and I could have finished with the field, most likely. The early fast pace though had taken it's toll. Spectators were commenting that easily half the field had dropped.

The finish was good, it's a 40+ mph downhill that flattens out about 1/4 mile from the finish. A 53x11 is handy. The riders came across the line holding that speed, and was the winner was some dude covered in tattoos. I don't know his name.

Oh, wait, I _do_ know who won.

No one.

That's right, there was no winner.

It turns out, the field didn't quite get the message when the officials forced the riders to stop and scolded them. Evidently, they started taking over the whole road again on the last lap. In the beginning of the race, I could see why we were all over the road. I did my best to stay on the right side if the road, but even I ended up getting beeped at my the moto official.

What I don't get was why they kept doing it on the last lap. The field had been whittled down to around 40 riders. After 7 laps they should have become familiar enough with the rough spots on the course so that there was no need to spread out. I'm not surprised they DQd the whole field, and I don't blame them. So, unfortunately for the guy that crossed the line first, he won a race that wasn't.

look what the cat dragged in.....

2011-05-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

So I've been working on this post for over 2 months. Seriously, I started the 'project' in mid february.

You see, I have a ton of bike shit in my basement, and I'm looking to clear some of it out, including a frame I generally don't ride - until now.

I bought it somewhere around 2005 from Aries Sports in Newburyport (now a different bike shop, different owner, don't know the dude). I was told it was a frame built by THE Tom Kellogg for the 1984 Olympics. A few years ago, I emailed him and sent him a picture, and he basically just said yes, it was one of his, but I didn't follow up.

So I'm thinking, if this thing really is a Kellogg frame built for the Olympics, it's probably worth quite a bit to a collector.

So I emailed him again, asking for more details. and sent some pictures.

Here's where it gets.....um....interesting.

It turns out that, yes, it's a Kellogg frame. Sort of. It was built by Jeff Duser, Toms chief framebuilder. Maybe.

In reality it's a Ross. Yes, the Ross bicycles we all know from Sears and Kmart in our childhood.

Tom was hired by Ross in the early '80s to set up their 'Signature' line. It was to be a line of hand-built frames in a high production setting to keep costs down. Tom designed the bikes, and came out with a few different models - a couple of lower-end chinese imports (but still hand-made in china) and their top-of-the-line series, hand-made in the Ross factory in pennsylvania using high quality tubing (either Columbus SL or Ishiwata 022, not sure which mine is. Tom claims Ishwata, but this bike is SL )

I have a Circa 1984 Ross 508 Signature Triad.

Tom wrote: "The frame design was mine, the same exact design I developed for the first Ross Signature racing frames. Unlike the rest of the Ross bicycles made over the years, the Signature frames were real hand built frames, as good as any made at the time. I was very proud of what we did there. The guy who built that 508 was good enough that I hired him away from Ross and he is still working for me to this day, twenty six years later. You've got a little piece of history."

The only caveat to add is that Tom had left Ross in 1983 and Jim Redkay was running the shop by then. In all likelyhood, Jeff Duser _did_ make the frame, but the 508 Triads were built by a team consisting of Jeff, Juan Rodriguez, and Dave Rodriguez (hence the 'triad'). So truth be told, I don't know for sure if Jeff actually built my frame. I asked Tom for more detail, but I haven't heard back. He's probably tired of me annoying him (like you don't know that's possible).

So, even though this bike is in Toms words "as nice as anything else that was being built at the time", it probably isn't worth a whole helluvalot. I only bring up this point because I was considering selling it. It's worth more to me as a ridable bike than I would get for it at this point.

And man...it rides nice. My '91 Merlin is a first generation Kellogg design as well, and this thing rides _that_ nice. It's a shame to just leave it to collect dust, so I've made it my commuter - a fixed gear with some really nice old parts I had laying around not being used. I actually decided to abandon the Fuji experiment, and use some of the parts from that.

Circa '92 Campy Chorus crankset, brakes, and brake levers. (all in _excellent_ shape). I'm riding Eggbeaters because I need to walk a bit to my office after my commute, and I wear MTB shoes so I can walk on the linoleum.

It's hard to tell, but that's an authentic Campy Chorus seat post bolt.

Easton EC90 carbon bars, EC90 Stem, American Classic Trilock Headset (a fabulous idea, too bad it didn't catch on.)

San Marco Rolls Titano saddle.

I have a 39x14 on American Classic hubs laced to Matrix rims now. I normally ride a 42x16 on my fixed gear bikes, but I'm getting older and don't spin like I used to. My commute is pretty flat anyways.

I have a set of somewhat worn '92 Campy chorus hubs as well, but they need to be built into wheels. I think that will set the ensemble off nicely.

It's a great bike, and I'm glad I have it. A little piece of history, for sure...if you're into that sort of thing.

lunch crawl......

2011-04-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

Up the hills in the Weir Conservation Land for my noon-time ride today.

From the southeast corner heading northwest up the weir hill trail (singletrack):

Northbound on the Stevens trail (wide, but worn well):

Yes, those are sustained HRs in the low 180's. The complete round trip from my office, through the Osgood Hill conservation land, Half Mile Hill conservation land, and Weir Hill conservation land is just over 9 miles and takes an hour, less when it's dry I'm more fit.

"he's not dead, he's pining!"

2011-04-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

Actually, just shivering from hypothermia.....
(or he could be pining for the fjords...Lovely Plumage!)

The above badly-stitched panorama is what the conditions were at the start of the Quabbin Reservoir Road Race last saturday. Temperature about 35 degrees, precipitation alternating between sleet and rain. The only thing missing was wind. There was a little gust from time to time, but nothing steady. The picture doesn't quite show it, but this was about as bad as it gets. If this were a cross race, we would all have been licking our chops, since in a cross race you warm up quick, it only lasts an hour, and you're never more than 5 minutes from your car.

This is a 65 mile hilly road race. About 5000 feet of climbing, with some rather rough pavement on the east side of the reservoir. The first three miles of this race is downhill - in 35 degree rain, and at some point your going to be about 90 minutes from your car, with big hills in the way. I've done that a few times in my life. I didn't envy anyone.

Turnout was high considering the conditions, but no one ever accused bike racers of common sense. My team puts on the race, so I lucked into driving a wheel van for the womens field. It was neutral, but one rider asked me to carry her wheels. I told her "I think I'm going to be carrying more passengers than changing wheels today" - she didn't get it, and it turns out I was right.

The first three miles of this race is downhill - in 35 degree rain. I've done that a few times in my life. I didn't envy anyone.

Ten miles into the race I see a group of 4 male riders huddled at the side of the ride like a bunch of asparagus. I pulled off.

"You guys ok?"
"No", one of them managed to shiver out loud.

I was just going to have them sit in my car when a big cargo van from Killing Mountain School pulled up. They were towing a trailer for the bikes, the van probably had seats for 15. The men all hopped in eagerly.

I went ahead and caught the back of the womens field again. About 15 miles in we came across an EMT and fire marshals car at the side of the road. They had a rider in the back of the ambulance under a metal blanket. He wasn't quite coherent. Apparently he had simply fallen down, not really crashed, but just collapsed. Another teammate of mine working the race had pulled up and said he would make sure the kid made it back to the parking lot. I continued back on the course.

I had a radio in my car provided by the emergency crew Mike Norton had hired. They were asking support vehicles with room in their cars to stop by a country store at about the 20 mile point and pick up riders, I was almost there. There was a dozen bikes outside, and a dozen wet racers inside huddling and shivering. An EMT was there triaging who needed to go first. With the extra wheels in my car, I had room for two bikes and two riders. My other teammate had the kid from the earlier ambulance in his car and came along as well. He could fit two more. Other vehicles were on their way. One of the guys I took wasn't thinking clearly and was speaking slowly, but the EMT said he would be OK. The other guy was limping a bit because he couldn't feel one of his feet. I drove them back to the finish, and by this time the lead pro/1/2/3 had finished.

I drove the course backwards, looking for suffering riders - on this day, that was redundant. Since I had started behind the last field at the beginning of the race, I kept going until I passed the last person I remember, a cat 4 woman in a red jersey and black tights. I drove past her another 5 minutes and didn't see anyone else, so I figure she was probably it. The radio didn't report anyone needing a ride anywhere, so I turned around the follow her.

There was a cop at an intersection at the 45 mile point, and she pulled over. I figure she was probably done. Sure enough - she struggled off the bike, shivering slightly, soaking wet to the point she was actually dripping where she stood. I loaded her and the bike and went back after the field. By the time I started catching people again there was maybe 15 miles to go, so I slowed by and asked each person if they were ok, how they felt. I guess at that point it was becoming a matter of pride, since they all kind of gave me a brush off. I had to ask one guy twice, I couldn't tell if he was ignoring me or was mentally on a carribean vacation. He grunted "I'm ok" at me. One other woman, another cat 4, said she couldn't feel her hands or her feet. She was friends with the woman I had picked up, and decided to hop in the car.

The rain had subsided to a mist by now - 4 hour hours later - but the temperature was still 38 according to my car. I dropped the women off at their car, and I noticed my front seat actually had a 1" deep puddle of water in it. Luckily, my car has waterproof seats. I had a blanket in the back, I just tossed it on the seat to soak it up.

There wasn't much revelry at the end of this race. No groups hanging out on the tailgate of the SUV barbecuing tofu burgers, no coolers with exotic local microbrews....just a steady stream of people slowly skulking back to their cars....some just tired, some looking sullen and gaunt, most everyone leaving the bike outside of their vehicles and getting it to start the engine, looking for some respite from the cold, trying to make some sense of their _lack_ of sense. Even the riders who placed seemed annoyed that they had to get out of their warm cars to collect the winnings. The race staff was bailing as soon as the race promoter said they could.

To punctuate the dismal affair, I went looking for a local restaurant to sit and have a burger and a beer. There are two reasonably sized towns on the way back to the Mass Pike from the race, Ware and Palmer. Of the two towns, only Palmer had a legitimate restaurant, and it wasn't open (at 3 PM on a saturday). Ware had a sub shop, and Palmer had a subway - not quite what I was looking for. Between the two towns there were five open chinese joints - in a section of the state where the only chinese residents probably worked in those restaurants. I had to settle for a burger from Wendy's.

It's some thing we all do as bike racers, something we _have_ to do. I understand it, and I've done it. I'll probably do it again to, but no one ever accused me of having common sense either....

Competition for UltraEndure Guy

2011-04-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

Whilst wasting time, I stumbled upon Dom Mazetti (though I wasn't actually using 'stumbleupon', I was legitimately surfing aimlessly (is 'surfing aimlessly' considered a legitimate activity?)).

Dom Mazetti is the Brooklyn counterpart to Boston's Own UltraEndure Guy. I have embedded here, for you edification, "Dom Mazetti Vs. Hipsters", in which Dom discusses hairy-legged women, fixed-gear bikes ("doze bikes wit no brakes"), and American Eagle Outfitters.

Enjoy!

A Dose Of Awesome

2011-04-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

From Boston.com, news of public bike repair stands.

"The stands provide tire gauges and pumps, Allen wrenches and a few other tools that enable cyclists to make minor repairs, such as adjusting seats or handlebars."

I say it's awesome because it shows the willingness of the city of Cambridge to embrace cycling as a viable transportation alternative. However, I'm not so sure the money couldn't be more well spent elsewhere. This is certainly something that I would support if the cycling culture in Boston were more 'mature', but I'm not so sure the general public in the Boston area is quite comfortable with cycling in the city just yet. Cambridge, maybe, since the article quotes a significant increase in cycling traffic over the past couple of years.

From a different perspective, is there a liability issue with the city 'encouraging' people to elicit their own repairs to dubious ends? I really don't know the answer to that question, but I'm wondering if it was considered.

Still, I applaud Cambridge's efforts to encourage cycling. Perhaps it will in fact serve as an epicenter for responsible cooperation between cyclist and local government, and radiate outward from there.

Oh, and don't bother with the comments on the article. As usual, it's loaded with the usual selfish ignorant diatribes from big-mac-eating fuckers, sort of like the facebook comments from ugly americans over the earthquake and tsunami in japan (click on the facebook image after it loads to enlarge so you can read it).

H.N.T.

2011-03-31T10:02:00.001-07:00

Some of you know my riding hasn't progressed as I would have liked this spring. I'm still having a nagging tendonitis issue as a result of that late winter ride with a certain bike company executive.

It's getting better, I can commute to work without any problems, though I'm noticing the colder it is, the more likely I can feel some pain. But, since it's just over 30 minutes of riding, I haven't had any pain that would cause me to alter my pedaling style.

The funny thing about it is that it hurts the most when I'm spinning a light gear. If I get out of the saddle, or grind a hard gear, the pain all but goes away. If I sit and spin, after about 45 minutes it feels like someone is jabbing a hot soldering iron under my right kneecap.

I did two MTB rides of note. Two weekends ago I did my typical Winnekenni ride. I was out for two hours, and didn't feel anything until I was on the road for the ten minute ride home from the park. The last 1/4 mile was quite painful.

Last weekend I went to HPSF, and rode for two solid hours. I felt a little pain as I was cruising on one of the fire roads about an hour into the ride, but when I hit the single track in the south end of the park, again, the pain went away, since very little of that section allows you to sit and spin a light gear. It's all rocky and technical - delightfully so.

FWIW - I rode at HPSF on a modified version of Son Of Ice Bike. I put on some WTB 2.1 rubber, a Scott LF flat bar, and a Ritchey Vector saddle. It rode well and was comfortable, though I'll be putting on a shorter stem for the next trip - pictures to follow soon.....of the bike....

Mega Python vs Gatoroid: A Parable of The Modern Popular Culture

2011-03-19T21:03:00.000-07:00

So I'm channel surfing on the couch one night last week, too lazy to get my out-of-shape ass up off the couch to go to bed, and figure I'll pick some bad movie to watch to help me realize the futility of sleeping on the the couch, when I come across this gem on the Sy-Fy channel. Now, truth be told, It wasn't the prospect of seeing poorly animated giant pythons battling poorly animated giant alligators, rather it was the cast: Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

Yes, This Tiffany:

and this Debbie Gibson:

OK, not really. The movie came out in 2011, so it was really this Tiffany:

(from her 2002 playboy shoot)

And this Deborah Gibson.

(from her 2005 playboy shoot)

No, no, just kidding. Being a Mega-Man-Pig, that's just what I was hoping I would see. In fact, it was this Tiffany:

(from the movie release party)

and this Deborah Gibson:

(from the movie release party)

ok, wait....that still isn't right. What we were instead treated to was a crack whore and trailer trash:

(still from the movie set)

OK,that was mean - and quite unfair....well...maybe not.

(still from the movie set after the cat-fight scene) Although it doesn't come out in these photos, Tiffany has probably dozens of small tattoos that were easily visible in that black cocktail dress through the various scenes

And yes, you read that right, there was a rather long cat fight scene.

(still from the cat-fight scene)

Which was - to say the least - quite entertaining to a middle-aged too-bored-with-his-life hopelessly-married man sitting up too-late on the couch. I didn't torture myself with the whole movie though. I bounced away during the commercials to watch a competing effort on the science channel feature a rather currently-relevant show on tectonic drift and volcanism, bouncing back to the '80's teen-idol tete-a-tete when it went to commercial. Trust me, this wasn't a movie you had to put a whole helluvalot of effort into to get.

The premise was as cheesy as one could surmise from the title: There is in fact a python problem in the everglades from people releasing pets into the wild, and there have been a number of cases of pythons eating alligators, upsetting the biodiversity of the swamps. Yes, it's true. The movie portrays a story of a park-ranger scientist (Tiffany) that thinks they need to beef up the gators to keep their status at the top of the food chain by feeding them chicken laced with steroids. Meanwhile, another biological scientist (Gibson) thinks that isn't letting nature sort it self out, so she sets out genetically engineering the snakes to ginormous proportions.

The result? Why, Mega-Python Vs. Gatoroid, of course. Fans of Pop-Culture will get a big kick out of Mickey Dolenz' cameo appearance (more than a few lines, actually) just before he gets eaten in one gulp by a big fucking snake.

But is this movie really about big fucking snakes and big fucking alligators? I suspect not. I suspect it's more of an analogy of pop-icons being consumed by their own success. Face it, we have two aging teen-queens who in recent years have engaged in desperate acts for the sole purpose of trying to re-ignite that flame of popularity they once held in American Culture, only to see it ostensibly backfire. So alligators (tiffany) eat steroids (pose in playboy) and end up competing with pythons (gibson) that have been genetically modified (posed in playboy) to the point that they are killed (fade into obscurity) by a scientist from the CDC with a special technique that kills megasized creatures (the complacency of the American Public).

But hey, I'm not criticizing either of them for posing nude. I like that they posed nude. I wish more people would pose nude. To quote Ultra-Endure Guy: "I like boobies". I mean, how many of us have rewound the nude scene with Uma Thurman in Dangerous Liaisons back and forth to enhance the jiggle of her magnificent tatas? Freeze frame Annette Benning's FFN in The Grifters? Slow-Mo Dana Delaney in her various totally nude scenes in East Of Eden? Susan Sarandons masturbation scene in Pretty Baby? Please. Give me more...often. I don't think it's bad/sad that they did it, It think it's bad/sad that it's an issue.

But that's all bullshit. I'm way over thinking this whole thing. It's a fucking movie that not even Tiffany or Debbie took very seriously. I mean, in the cat-fight scene, I think they pretty much did most of the stunts.

If you're bored enough to watch that clip to the end, you'll see something very familiar:

Tiffany did it too, and it's been rumored that Debbie had a version in the works. Other bits I've scanned on-line in the preparation for this post claim more references to each others music, but since I was never more than peripherally aware of these two, I'll just chalk that up to an unsubstantiated claim. It appears they had fun making it, so regardless of whether or not anyone else likes it, it was a success unless they had some delusion that it was going to be any more than a campy made-for-cable movie.

It's a bad movie, and isn't really worth wasting your time on, unless you _really_ like '80s teen idols, or like seeing '80s teen idols in a cat-fight, or like seeing '80s teen idols dressed like trailer trash, or like seeing '80s teen idols getting eaten by giant amphibious creatures. In fact, just that you spent all this time reading about here is probably more than a waste of time on the whole idea, unless you're into that sort of thing.

urban downill

2011-03-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

I can't really describe this any other way but awesome. A sanctioned downhill race through narrow city streets with a few added obstacles. Watch for the dog @:40 and the wall @2:00.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

You Don't See _That_ Every Day.....

2011-02-25T19:35:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows what to expect: something odd and unexpected. I've been that way all my life and I'm not about to change now so you might as well fucking get over it.

I've been looking for something odd and unexpected to build into something odd and unexpected for a while now, and I've come up with something that fits the bill (click pics to enlarge):

This is an early 90's Fuji Suncrest rigid MTB, set up as a road fixed gear. 700c instead of 26", drop bars instead of flat. This isn't just an ordinary winter basement project, I had a goal - build up a completely new bike buying as few parts specific to the project as possible, while ending up with something odd and unexpected. I came close, in that the only thing I bought specifically for the project was the frame (was originally a whole bike - for $20). Everything else I had as spare parts, except for the stem and pedals (taken off other bikes).

I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm chickenshit, but there's no way in hell I'm riding on public roads with no brakes, a wife, a daughter, and a three bedroom mortgage. I had these long-reach raleigh (weinmann) centerpulls, that just happen to match the span from the seat-stay bridge to the 700C wheels. I used some pads from a set of V-brakes I scavenged from an old MTB a while ago - pretty much new.

The Drivetrain. According to the math, my selection of a 38x14 is just a bit taller than a 42x16 - my gear of choice. In order to properly tension the chain (due to vertical dropouts) I used an early downhill-chainguide I bought when a local bike shop went out of business ten years ago. The owner said "hey, ya want this?" I said "sure , why not". That's an American Classic threaded hub laced to a Matrix ISO rim. If you're less than 40 years old you have no fucking clue what I just said.

The front of the cockpit. Note the other raleigh center-pull that just happens to match the span from the fork drilling to the 700c braking surface. The front wheel is an ofmega hub laced to another Matrix ISO. Again, if you don't remember watching the Creature Double Feature on channel 38 (bonus points if you know where they got the theme song for the show).................

A bontrager saddle that I have no idea where I got. Note the Mavic Challenger in the background. The Mavic Challenger is a spun aluminum disc wheel with a threaded Mavic hub. This motherfucker weighs about 5 pounds. I was thinking of using it for this project, but it's a tubular, and I wanted this to be a bit more pedestrian.

A close up of the cockpit. Yup, that's a 1st generation EC90 carbon handlebar. Believe it or not, I just happen to have one lying around. I had to steal the stem from my 'cross bike because the top tube of this bike is so long. It's a 6 cm stem. If I went with a flat bar I could have used one of the many 10 CM stems I have laying about, but a flat bar on a road bike?

BLASPHEMY, I TELL YOU!!!!

A sweet set of '91 Campagnolo Chorus Aero brake levers. No Solo, these aren't the ones I bought from you.

I have yet to take this out on the road, but I have ridden it for a while on the both the rollers and the trainer. So far, so good. If you happen to see me on it, don't try to drop me, 'cuz I can spin this bitch like an Asian Basket Job.

Foul Play Is Suspected (H.N.T.)

2011-02-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

A quick note on the Domination Of Our New Overlord:

Foul Play is suspected....The problem is that it wasn't really a equal contest. Watson was fed the 'answers' by a text file, which in terms of processing time means it had more than likely arrived at the possible 'questions' before Alex even finished reading the 'answer'.

If it was really going to be fair, they would have required the computer to process the 'answer' with voice and/or character recognition software, because that's how we humans do it. I'm not suggesting the computer would have lost, just that they skipped an important and critical step with regards to processing and understanding information. The point is, Watson is on some level an exercise in AI (or 'AI completeness'). Is it fair then, to skip over the critical process of sensory perception in the context of human intellect? I personally don't think so. In that regard, It was sort of like Casey Martin being allowed to use a golf cart. Granted, Eddie Timanus was granted a few special accords when he won 5 straight games, but he still had to process the clue as it was read.

But enough of that. This is a bike racing blog, right? Well, last weekend I went on my first road ride of the year with Matt Simpson and Justin Spinelli. Justin has been doing all his road riding on an old stump jumper with a rigid fork and one chainring, so Matt texted me and suggested I bring my IF. No problem....sort of.

I grabbed the wrong shoes when I left the house. My IF has crank Bros pedals and these shoes had Time ATACS. I didn't realize it until I tried to clip in. Matt came to the rescue with a pair of mavic shoes that had Crank Bros cleats. We were off. Destination Warner Hill in Derry.

We got in just under two hours of solid riding, and according to Garmin about 35 miles with 2500 feet of climbing. I got dropped a few times on some of the longer hills, but i wasn't too worried about that. I've done no real cardio work since december, concentrating instead on free weights, and hell, it's still fucking february. Besides that, I had my "endurance" breakfast before the ride (bacon, egg, and cheese bagel, hash browns, milk, OJ, and coffee), so I wasn't going to go very fast, but I certainly wouldn't get hungry for the projected 2ish hour ride. At one point both Matt and Justin were eating, and matt offered me a bite. I explained my breakfast and added "I won't be going too fast, but I'll go pretty far".

The only real issue I had was a pain that popped up in my right knee, especially when seated and spinning. I ended up getting out of the saddle on every climb for the last 45 minutes or so. Since I had the strength from the weight training it was actually easier for me to stand on a heavy gear than sit and spin, and I was actually keeping better contact over the longer hills than when I was sitting. I found out after the ride that was partly because Justin had started to bonk. He had put over an hour in before he met us, pushed the pace up all the climbs, and still had an hour to ride home. I was reminded of a quip by Kerry Litka that "Justin will go out for a 5 hour ride, then go home and eat a carrot". (Ok, maybe it wasn't justin she was talking about, and it might not even have been Kerry, but it's still funny). In any case, Justin always was faster than me, and probably always will be, so I can't criticize his training techniques.

Still, other than the knee pain, I didn't feel too bad, didn't have any problems staying with them on the shallower hills and flats, and had no problems getting back on when I did get dropped on the climbs.

I think this weekend I'll finally get out on Ice Bike.

H.N.T. (again, foul play was suspected)

Belated Valentine Sentiment

2011-02-15T06:39:00.000-08:00

From Sam Kinison - Who could say it better?

(no, those aren't esperanto subtitles)

H.N.T. - More like F.N.T.

2011-02-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

'cuz they ain't _half_ naked.....

Mi am Stylish, En Esperanto!

2011-02-08T13:17:00.000-08:00

(Click here for english)

Mi estis looking por a temo por a blogpost, kaj dankojn al Mia Favorata Rockstar, Mi nun havi unu, en Esperanto!

Laux al sxi, Mi am a stylish blogger. Mi fari ne really scii kio tiu rimedo, sed Mi havi a feeling gxi does ne havi multa al fari kun mia sxuo

Tiel, Mi havi been tagged kun this 'stylish' afero, kaj gxi veni kun a tasko (he, kun granda potenco veni granda responsibility, gxusta?)

1. Fari a postxo kaj ligi dorso al la homo kiu tagged vi kun la award
2. Akcio sep objekto pri via self
3. Award al sep alia bloggers
(All rajto, tiel mi changed la regulo a peco)

En alfabeto ordoni, here estas la tabelo de bloggers Mi ofta - kun esperi ili will pagi gxi forward

Grandabiciklos

Confessions de an Erotic Masseuse

Introspection Sekcio

Miles kaj Madness

Single Spuro Spirito
(ne specific posxto here, ili are _all_ bona)

Solorompigxi

La Perfekta Malneto

Sep objekto pri mi....mmmmm... Mi am going al doni vi ok, kaj oni da ili will _ne_ esti vera. Trovi la mensogo.

* Mi estis born en ethiopia
* Mi am a klasika trained musician kaj toured Europe kiam Mi estis fifteen
* Mi went al naux diferenca lernejo de la fojo Mi graduated alta lernjo
* Mi havi rebuilt tri automobile motoro kaj done major ripari sur multa pli. Mi could havi been a mechanic cxe oni pinto.
* Kiel a juna infano Mi had severa asthma kaj could ne kuri cxirkaux la bloko
* Mi havi been an oficialulo biciklo competitor por 25 jaro.
* Mi marathon personal rekordo is estas nur 3:49
* Mi havi had du edzino kaj estis fiancxo unu pli

so de kurso, la Ranting Rockstar estas la stelo here. Mi could justa sendi vi al sxia front pagxo sed mi am going al sendi vi here.

Cxar, popolo, _tiu_ estas efektiva blogging.

Love Letters

2011-02-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

I want you to be my housekeeper; beekeeper; floor, chimney, and mine sweeper. My window washing, grocery buying, dinner cooking, obsequious submissive concubine-domestic....but most of all, you will just shut the fuck up. - Henry Rollins

H.N.T. - Excalibur: The Lady Of the Lake

2011-02-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, I know it's friday, I lost a day somewhere, so fucking shoot me.

For those of you who particiapted in high school for the social event, allow me to edify you with a bit of culture from english literature:

In the legend of King Arthur, he was granted his royalty through Divine Providence, by receiving the magic sword Excalibur from The Lady Of The Lake

From the poem The Lady of the Lake by Sir Walter Scott:

The maiden paused, as if again
She thought to catch the distant strain.
With head upraised, and look intent,
And eye and ear attentive bent,

And locks flung back, and lips apart,
Like monument of Grecian art,
In listening mood, she seemed to stand,
The guardian Naiad of the strand.

Now, this isn't to slight other interpretations of Arthurian Legend. To quote Michael Palin:

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power because some watery tart threw a sword at you."

And lastly, just 'cuz I really like this one:

internet twaddlery

2011-01-31T08:12:00.001-08:00

(click for animation!, let it sit for a minute for the animation to load)

Courtesy of Mr. Jones Watches

H.N.T. - Video Edition

2011-01-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

The Perfect thing to warm you up on these cold winter days. (Be careful, you could poke an eye out with those)

Любовь к велосипеду (bicycle strip) from Entropy on Vimeo.

Zen And Now

2011-01-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

Ya like how I did that little play on words? 'Zen' and now instead of 'then' and now? HAH!!!! I kill me sometimes!

Anyways, back before this internet thingie became such a big fucking deal, we used to have to find other ways to entertain ourselves on cold winter nights. One of the things we used to do were indoor roller races. John and Joyce Reischutz, proprietors of Pedal Power in Acton, MA had a system in the early '90s with a pair of Kreitler unloaded rollers hooked up to a PC running a program called Roller Fusion by Simutech. The graphics were strikingly similar to the 'horse race' graphic that Computrainer still uses today.

It was simple, two riders head to head, a flying start 1K matched sprint. the fastest rider wins. The winners were typically just under 30 seconds. I was usually in the 35 second range, and I think I remember my PR being about 32 seconds. Roller racing didn't do much for your cycling ability other than to help you smooth out your pedal stroke. Sure, you'd just about blow your lungs out from the cardiovascular effort, but this didn't seem to translate very well toward the road season.

Still, it was something to do, and was actually quite a lot of fun. The roller races were the first time I ever used a heart rate monitor, and I wasn't the only one shocked to see my HR hitting 212, at the age of 30.

In the winter of '93, when I was president of the Northeast Bike Club, I had heard from other bike shops in new england doing the same thing. I decide to put on a real roller racing competition.

The Flyer.

It was a brutally cold day and the gym at the Y wasn't heated. Riders were warming up in their jackets and sweat pants. We actually had a pretty good turnout, if I remember correctly, of about 25 people.

A couple views of riders warming up. That's Jeff Heyne in the brown jacket.

One of the heats. That would be John Rowles in the pink hat, with George Vakerlis standing next to him. George is one of the people responsible for getting me into racing.

Same heat. I don't know the rider in the skinsuit, but standing next to him in the grey hat is Phil Schultz, who used to hang around with Dick Ring a lot, smoked cigars a lot, and ran the weekly sprints on Fort Devens before the base closed. The rider behind him with the BRC shorts is Joe Cady, and the big guy to his right is Scott Critz.

We did the heats in 4-up events, with the top two going to the next round. Every 3rd place rider was put into a separate heat, so that the last heat of the next round was all 3rd place riders.

The race was won by Ray Schultz, no relation to Phil. Ray was on the 1980 olympic track cycling team, which ended up not competing in moscow. I was pretty convinced Ray would win, since he was always at the Pedal Power events and I knew what he could do. He simply paced the fastest rider -I think it was Bill Black - until he had about 100 meters left, then kicked on the afterburners and spun up to over 200 RPM, and I think I remember his speed hitting 69 KPH - remember these were unloaded rollers. I don't know who was third, but I know Tom Stevens was 4th, since he crashed.

At the bike shop events, Ray used to regularly hit 25 seconds. He would be warming up on his rollers, bunny hop off the rollers, ride over to the competition rollers, bunny hop onto the rollers, win the race, then bunny hop back over to his rollers. Not only was Ray incredibly talented, but he was also incredibly nice. Always had sage words of advice and encouragement, never insulting, arrogant, or rude.

I don't know where Ray is these days, but I hope he's well.

Land of the Glass Pinecones

2011-01-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

No, This post isn't about the quirky cult hit by Human Sexual Response, but in thinking up a name for the post it popped into my head, and I was sure BigBikes would appreciate the nod to a BackBay Band.

This post is about a snow-shoe excursion to Crystal Gorge Conservation Land in Haverhill.

Crystal Gorge isn't very big. It's only 65 acres with less than 2 miles of trails, but I've managed to string together a loop that incorporates an additional 3/4 mile or so from a trail off the parcel and one section that doubles back on itself to get a solid 5 K out of it. If you run it it in both directions, the rocky terrain with the tight twisty singletrack and short steep rises offers a challenging 10K run.

Since I was on snowshoes yesterday, I opted for one 5K loop, with took me nearly 90 minutes in the 16" deep snow. Fortunately, this area got mostly light fluffy snow from the last storm, so trudging through wasn't nearly as tough as it could have been.

It's rare that I get to pop a trail cherry, but since the trail head hadn't really been plowed, less than half the trails had previously been trod upon.

I happened upon a deer nest.

My Faithful Canine Companion waded through chest-deep snow for the whole 90 minutes.

Another virgin trail.

It's a good thing I know the trails, following the markers wasn't exactly handy.

One of the charms of this little slice of haverhill are the extreme-for-the-area geographical features.

I'm about to go up this 30 feet granite feature to the left. Yes, this actually a marked trail.

My snow shoe tracks show the path.

The Pooch taking a break from climbing the granite face in the deep snow.

Another granite feature in the parcel. It's tough to tell from this badly stitched picture, but on the right is a ten foot granite ledge in two tiers. At sometime in the past, the horizontal pine tree slid off the ledge and landed on the next tier, and then continued to grow at a right angle. The trail curves to the left per the marker on the right angle pine.

The trail goes over the stone wall, under the fallen tree, then back over the stone wall and to the left up a rise over to the right angle pine.

The Pooch after the excursion in the back of my car.

A close-up of the ice balls bound to her feet.

What she reminded me of....

H.N.T. - They've Arrived!!

2011-01-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

They're Here!!!!!!!

Targets 2011 Sunglass collection!!!

(aw shit....thursday was _yesterday_!!)

Muerto Blanco Randomness

2011-01-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the title, Amanda.

from Katrina del Mar

And from Mr. Jone Watches via Hairy Old Grump

cheers.

Nanny Accused of Poisoning Sex Queen

2011-01-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

http://world-news.newsvine.com/_news/2011/01/05/5771664-nanny-accused-of-poisoning-sex-toy-queen#comments

I had to link it. I'd wish I could say I _chose_ to link it, but I didn't have any more choice in this than an addict seeing a bottle of oxycontin in his neighbors medicine cabinet.

And of course, the best part of the story is in the comments:

"Head of Adult entertainment in Britain poisoned by Cox"

(The nanny's last name ironically is Cox)

No, I didn't write that, but I wish I had.

H.N.T. - Core Workout, Woodchopper 101

2010-12-30T11:33:00.001-08:00

New Toys!!!! Yaaaaaaaay!!!!!!

2010-12-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally one to go on about getting stuff, unless of course it's some great bike item, but I felt very appreciated by my family's show of not just getting me christmas presents, but things they knew I would appreciate.

My daughter decided to use her imagination, and bought me these:

A collection of beer coasters. I guess they have some sort of "beer store" at the mall where they sell all things related to beer, except for beer. She wrapped them all individually.

She also must have heard me mention how cool I thought this was:

It's a double-ended ratcheting box wrench. And yes, it's as cool as it looked on TV. I haven't had the chance to use it yet, but there's no doubt I will.

My wife went a bit overboard, and decided to spring for this:

It's an english bottom-bracket chase and face tool. For chasing and facing your bottom-bracket. I know I enjoy a thorough bottom-bracket chasing and facing, and I'm sure you would too. There's something of a comforting satisfaction that comes with a freshly chased and faced bottom-bracket.

Before chasing and facing:

Chased and faced!

But this one threw me. After all these years I know she's paying attention:

No, it's not a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth (What Do You Want From Life?), it's a personally autographed picture of Bernard Hinault. I was incredulous.

Me: "that's bernard hinault, wait, is that real signature?"
Her: "yeah, I'm really relieved you knew who it was"
Me: "it's bernard hinault, of course I know who it is. Where on earth did you get the idea for this?"
Her: "I was browsing ebay looking for something different for you and saw it. I googled him to see if it was anyone worthwhile and figured he was"
Me: "uh, YEAH he's worthwhile...."
Her: "so I did good?"
Me: "You did fucking awesome"
(I just love saying 'fuck' in the context of christmas)

To top it all off, my parents bought me the complete box set of the entire Monty Python Flying Circus TV show.

Up Next - Pictures of me chasing and facing whilst singing The Lumberjack Song:

Everyone sing along now!

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.
(He's a lumberjack and he's okay,
he sleeps all night and he works all day)

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory,
On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
(He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to thelavatory,
On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones fortea)

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers,
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
(He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wildflowers
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars??)

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear Papa.
(He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, suspenders? and abra???)
(girlfriend: I thought you were so rugged! oh, you!!)

(walks out)

He's a lumberjack and he's okay,
he sleeps all night and he works all day.
He's a lumberjack and he's okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....
he sleeps all night and he works all day.

Christmas Balls, and Other Shit

2010-12-23T06:27:00.000-08:00

I know, you have a cyclist in your life, and your wondering "what can I get them, that they don't already have, that I know they'll appreciate"

Well, the folks at So Fresh, So Dry have a solution, for the male _or_ female cyclist in your life. Yes, this hygiene product will show them that you care about them, and their comfort. To quote from the video "The solution....is here in my hand" (yes, it's a real product, and it allegedly works as described. While not aimed at cyclists specifically, it's sure to pique a reaction as a stocking stuffer)

Alternative Fuel Source

2010-12-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

Reblogged from BikeJerks:

I'm no fan of miller, but I dig this commercial.

grumble.......

2010-12-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

Well, that's just fucking great.

Here I spend the entire day saturday taking up boards on my front porch, and digging down into two varmint holes I found, but no skunk.

OK, that's good and bad. I really didn't want to find a skunk, since that would mean I'd have to deal with it, but I missed a fabulous day of racing at Ice Weasels. Not that I didn't get a good workout, lot's of good core work from twisting, digging, and moving rocks underneath the porch joists mostly on my knees. So the stink is dissipating, and as of this morning there was only a faint hint of the odor in my basement.

Still, had I been given a choice, I would much rather have gone to ice weasels.

All told, I got a days worth of hard labor on saturday, and then helped a neighbor move a room full of furniture from his second floor to his garage sunday, so it isn't like I was slacking, but it wasn't the workouts I had hoped for. It was actually a pretty bad follow up to running the Mill Cities Relay the sunday before

(How's that for a segue, solo?)

The Mill Cities Relay is a 27 mile relay race in 5 legs from Nashua to Lawrence. I ran the last leg. It was a weird team event. The first two guys went home right after their legs and didn't bother to show up for the beer and pasta fest at the claddah pub afterwards. The middle guy leapfrogged me during my leg, up to about 1 mile to go - giving me much needed cheer, but didn't make it to the pub after for some reason. The 4th runner, the dude that got me into it, was sick and had his relatives visiting, so he met me at the pub, we had a quick bite of the pasta feed and split.

Not that I minded, I really didn't feel like hanging around anyways. Still, we stayed around long enough to chat with a couple of local cycling luminaries that had decided to trade racing flats for speedplays.

Ray Johnson, ten year record holder of the Men's Non-Aero category at the Charlie Baker time Trial was there with the Shamrock Road Runners. He announced that he had officially retired from bike racing. He usually runs a well-sub-6 pace, but today was on a mixed masters fun team, so they ended up 23rd

Fabio Piergentili was there with the Whirlaway Masters team - one of the premier running teams in new england. He ran on a team with craig fram. Craig is like the Skip Foley of running races in New England. That Fabio was asked to run on a team with craig speak volumes of Fabios running ability let alone his cycling ability. I may be mistaken about this, but I beleive Fabio was 3rd in his very first race as a cat 3 - which just happened to be the pro/1/2/3 Yarmouth Clamfest (Tom Payson) Road Race. Today, Fabios team got 2nd overall, and the first place masters team, running the 27.1 miles in 2:29:27

But enough about me feeling like a waterboy on the patriots sidelines. I did manage to knock off a 6:31 pace, which I was quite happy with because I've been doing NO speed work, just 8 minute pace hour-long runs a few times a week, and there is a pretty sizable hill for a running race on this leg.

I went out very fast for me, the first mile was 6:00. Too fast.
Second mile, 6:48. That's fine, I had the hill coming up.
Third mile, 7:30. That's the climb, I can live with that. I suck at running hills.
Fourth mile, 6:12. That's the downhill, that's about right, but I could feel I was pretty whipped when the road leveled out again.
The last leg is 4.75 miles, and I did the last 3/4 mile in 4:30, which works out to a 6:00 pace. I faded horribly, and got passed by two guys, but I wasn't going to let the 2nd guy go so close to the end. I struggled to keep him within wht IU thought would be striking distance for a sprint. One thing I've learned in the short time I've been running is that most guys at my level can't sprint.

He had about 5 seconds on me with 1/4 mile to go, so I opened it up.

I got so close to him I had to move along side to keep our legs clear.

He sensed it and picked up his pace.

I matched him, and as we approached the line his club-mates were screaming. Hey, I didn't have no stinkin' club-mates.....

I gave it every last bit I had with 100 yards to go, but he kept up the pace, matching my speed, the crowd screaming wildly.

We finished nearly side by side, but with me just behind his left shoulder. We both nearly collapsed, and attempted a high 5 but ended up doing a kind of lower 2 or three since we couldn't quite get our hands up. I'm thinking the sort-of-negative-split on the last mile was strictly due to the sprint.

While it was only for about 5oth place, it was arguably one of the better finishes to that point base4d on the cheers from the crowd. Our team finishing time was 2:58:13. The last time I ran it we did a 2:43:17, but that was with a group of guys who were arguably more serious about running in general

I'm back into my winter routine now, grumbling about skunk smell in my basement while I'm banging out squat sets.

GODDAMN it stinks in here!!!!!!

2010-12-10T12:04:00.000-08:00

It's back.

I was going through a circuit set on wednesday night in my basment when it hit me. Ever so faintly, then seemingly getting stronger in waves as I went through my sets.

Fucking skunk.

I wasn't sure at first, since it was so slight. I didn't smell it up-stairs, but when I went back downstairs later - no mistaking.

Last night, I got home from work and smelled around my house - oh yeah, under the front porch, not the breezeway like last time. As the furnace and the wood stove aspirated 'fresh' air from outside last night, the coldest night in ten months, it drew the odor in the house. By the time I went to bed, it was so pungent I could actually taste it. It didn't wake me up from sleep last night, but I did wake up to pee and hard a hard time getting back to sleep.

So now what? Now I have to go digging under my front porch and hope that it's dead, and hope there aren't any live ones. Because coming face to face with a skunk while trapped under the porch will NOT be a good thing.

I got to thinking - I'm a liberal with a strong sense of environment. As such, I'm hesitant to kill anything I have no intention of eating....but really, what good are skunks? Do they fill a niche that can't be filled by other scavangers that don't fucking stink? No. there are plenty of other creatures from the family musteloidea that scavenge, eat insects, and are actually beneficial rather than just stinkin' up the place.

I've trapped quite a few nuisance animals at my house over the years. I catch them in a have-a-heart, then drive them across the new hampshire border to release them. You can't exactly do that with a skunk, because they fucking stink. I mean, they spray that shit. Even if I were to get it into a trap, would I be able to move the trap without it spraying? What if I do manage to get it in my car and it decides to spray in there?

Fucking skunks, if there was ever a more useless creature.......

Jerk.....

2010-11-30T08:45:00.001-08:00

Here at Zencycle we are always on the lookout for new and exciting cycling based bloggage and internettery*

Recently, I happened upon Bike Jerks, a Minneapolis based blog about all things cycling. What led me there was this.

This is awesomeness. An old school out-n-back 'cross course, and by old-school I'm mean this,

They may not have anything as heinous as a boulder strewn run-up, but it sounds more epic than the glam-rock sport cyclocross has become in the past ten years.

A brief race description here:

"We will meetup at 2pm at the Light Rail station on Hiawatha and 38th. We will then take the light rail (bring fare) out to the American Boulevard station in Bloomington and will start the race on the Low Road. We will race to the Cedar Ave Bridge, cross the bridge on the ped bridge under the highway, take a left onto the trail on the opposite side of the river and end the race at Lucky's pub in Mendota Heights. The winner is the first one to touch the wall of the bar."

Then today, I took a quick peek and was rewarded with The Pedal Pusher Society, Milwaukee’s premier women and transgender bike gang.

But Wait! There's More! The La Belle Femme Ciclist du Milwaukee did a parody of Michael Jacksons Beat It video. It's exactly what one would expect from a group of urban female cycling hipsters with sapphic tendencies. Behold:

It's interesting that boston doesn't have some sort of analogous organization.

So put Bike Jerks in your bloglist, friend them on facebook, and visit their website.

And if you dare, put a link to a women and transgender bike gang website on your blog.

* Is there a real definition to internettery? I did some checking on google, and got usage hits back as far as 2004, but no listings in any on-line dictionaries. I know it's intuitive, but I would have thought that if sarah palin could get a word listed after a glaringly ignorant fuck-up that something floating around the interwebs** for over 5 years might have made the big time.

** wait...is interwebs a word? I should ask Thom.

What Did You Do During the Blitz, Daddy?

2010-11-29T14:20:00.000-08:00

While I didn't have to endure anything even remotely resembling a 'Blitzkreig', I was engaged in a program ostensibly 'designed' to get my lazy drunk ass back into a work-out regimen over the thanksgiving holiday.

Wednesday, november 24 - an easy 4+ mile run with Matt Simpson, Dan Verrington, and Dave Dunham.

For those not in the know, Dan and Dave are two of the most prolific and accomplished runners in new england. Dave just had an article published in the local newspaper. His career stats are at the end of the article.

Dan's accomplishments are no less impressive, and Matt used to run with the Whirlaway elite team before he tore his achilles tendon several years ago. Matts first forays back into running this year after five years away from the sport are mind boggling. Contrast that with my best effort.

Thursday, november 25 - 18 miles ride up to relative's house in Derry for thanksgiving dinner. It was quite cold with a noticeable headwind the whole way, and I didn't actually warm up until I made it over Warner Hill, with less than 5 miles to go.

I know, it ain't much, but it kinda hurts when it's below freezing into a head wind and you haven't really ridden in a month.

We ate a lot, drank a lot, watched the Patriots finally get their heads out of the asses, and then watched three episodes of The Walking Dead - A dramatic tale of the interactions of several families thrown together on the aftermath of an apocalypse of flesh-eating zombies. Wonderful entertainment after feasting on various forms of roasted animal flesh.....

Friday, november 26 - simple run with my dog

Saturday, November 27 - met up with Simpson again for a CX tour of some local power lines and the former Bensons Wild Animal farm, now turned into a public park.

Bensons is literally crying out to have a 'cross course run on it. There are about 5 miles of a mixture of paved and non-paved trails, some groomed, some not, with a large picnic/ festival area. Seriously, if I didn't live so far away and was hooked up with a local racing club, I'd be all over it.

Sunday, November 28 - Simpson coerces me to com back, this time for a CX tour of some local apple orchards and another pass at Bensons, this time with "The German", aka "the tank"

Roland is a German immigrant living in the US for several years. I didn't get to asking him his citizenship status or if he was raised in the DDR or FRG.

Generally speaking, I was breathing too hard to get out much conversation. Roland is 55, and has an unbelievable amount of fitness and power. Apparently, he also has a reputation amoungst many local racers as being _the_ guy to train with in the off season. After the first hill we went up, I would agree. the guy just rolled effortlessly up over it, with me almost helplessly going into O2 debt just trying to stay in his wheel.

He was on a new 'cross bike, and it was pretty evident he wasn't too interested in ripping up the course like Matt and I. We were diving into the corners around the apple trees, and he was slowing down taking his time. Not that it mattered, as soon as he was out of a turn he was on and past us like a laser. He turned on the gas a few times out on the road, and I was lucky enough to be able to catch his wheel. I could draft him, and that was about it. The truth was told though, as the ride wore on, he would simply maintain his pace on the hills, and I was promptly dispatched. His steady drive and pace was nothing if not blitzkrieg-esque. However, in the woods was a different story. I don't know if it was a lack of handling skills, or just unfamiliarity with the new bike, but he wasn't too keen on staying with us in the fun double track around Bensons or the walking trails around the orchards. Something told me though, if he wanted to, it would have been a different story.

"Hey, TSA, Pat THIS!"

2010-11-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

Just in time for the thanksgiving holiday travel rush, here's an idea to have a little fun at the expense of the TSA.

Go to your local hardware store and buy some aluminum foil tape. It's usually sold as an accessory in the insulation department.

Go to your local department store and get a stupid-looking-white-sort-of-male-person's-conservative-kind-of-middle-of-the-road-cotton-undergarment (AKA T-shirt).

Cut the tape into thin strips, and form block letters into witty sayings. Stick the letters on the T-shirt. They should show up on the TSA scanners like so:

S.M.A.R.T. - Put It On Your Fuckit..er..Bucket List

2010-11-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

The New Low Speed Wind Tunnel in Plaistow, New Hampshire
(click all images to enlarge)

“Fuckit" comes from a conversational snippet that occurred while the rest of the people in the new england cycling scene were attending a party they _thought_ "anyone who is anyone" would be attending Saturday night. I was attending a cycling _industry_ event 50 miles north of the "hub of the universe" with not only a festive atmosphere and an open bar, but with implications that could drastically effect competitive cycling in New England, especially road racing. The Speed Merchant Aero Research and Testing Low Speed Wind Tunnel (LSWT) is now open!!

Here's the conversation of the evening (names change to protect the guilty, but we are all cyclists, and had been drinking for a few hours, (including cuervo shots)):

Tom: hey Dave, you did a porn star on your last trip to Vegas, right?
Betty: oh my god, you had sex with a porn star?
Dave: yeah
Zen: was it a real porn star, or just a porn "actress"? (I added air quotes)
Dave: yeah....no....she just does a lot of porn
Zen: was she hot?
Dave: eh...I probably wouldn't have bothered if I didn't know she did porn
Tom: was she any good?
Dave: eh...kinda mechanical
Betty: then why did you have sex with her?
Dave: just to check it off.
Betty: check what off?
Tom: you know, the bucket list.
Betty: OH MY GOD....YOU GUYS HAVE FUCK IT LISTS?!?!?

(after laughter dies down.....)

Tom and Dave: no....BUCKET list

Apparently, Betty had never seen or heard of the movie "The Bucket List".

Anyways, this post isn't about drunken mis-communication or sex with porn actresses (though I should do a post on that). It's actually about what you can do to become a better cyclist for not a whole lot of money.

S.M.A.R.T. stands for Speed Merchant Aero Research and Testing. It's a Low Speed Wind Tunnel (LSWT), designed with cyclists in mind, now open and fully operational in Plaistow New Hampshire. As an added bonus, the wind tunnel is upstairs from the New Ted Wojcik shop.

SMART is the brainchild of Armand Pantalone, a cat 3 road racer and wickid smaht engineah for wickid big defense contractah. A few years ago, Armand decided that new england could use a well-designed, reasonably priced wind-tunnel-dynamic-assessment service. He did a whole lot of research and said "oh, yeah....I got this".

SMART is also a title sponsor of BOB for 2011, with Ted Wojcik

Wojicks finery was on full display

Fast forward 4 years, and with the assistance of a small team of cycling-centric hardware and software engineers, we now have a fully operational low-speed wind tunnel, with a three-axis load measurement system, real-time heads-up floor display, and two BIG-ASS fans Capable of generating a 30+ MPH wind.

A bike mounted to the measurement table in the test section.
The table, electronics (including transducers), and software are all custom designed and developed by the SMART team.

One of the two BIG-ASS Fans (54”, to be exact)

Getting yourself into an aerodynamically efficient position is only part of the assessment you get at SMART. It's important to remember that being biomechanically efficient is just as important as aerodynamics. SMARTs proprietary three-axis measurement system is critical to analyzing not only drag force, but also pedaling dynamics and efficiency. Pedaling inefficiencies create movement side to side, up and down, and backwards and forwards. Essentially, a sloppy pedal stroke will throw you and your bike all over the road, possibly negating any aerodynamic gains you may have realized. The effort is therefore not only aerodynamic efficiency, but to get you to pedal smoothly as well. Pedaling inefficiency leads to wasted energy, and with the SMART system, these inefficiencies can be detected and the position tweaked to ensure proper balance between bio-mechanics and aerodynamics. Unfortunately, the three-axis analysis is not quite ready for prime-time just yet, but the 'X' axis for drag measurement is fully functional. The 'Y' and 'Z' axis analysis will be available in the near future. Also coming in the future will be the ability to integrate ANT+ enabled power monitors into SMARTs completely proprietary data acquisition system.

A really crappy picture of the heads-up display in front of the bike.

A much better picture of the display on the floor of the tunnel test section. The upper left is a live side view of cyclist (well, this was a demo display, but it normally would show the cyclist in real time)

Friend of the Blogging World, Mistress of the Mountains, and Printed Media Maven Kerry Litka was on hand to give a brief presentation on aerodynamic and bio-mechanical efficiency, called Quantitative Relationships Between Frontal Surface Area, Velocity, and Air Resistance, which was originally presented as part of her Kinesiology masters thesis at UNH (hey Kerry, six commas in one sentence, and not one oxford! (eight if you count the parenthetical statement)). Apparently, Kerry will also be a consultant on request. Since Kerry is 4'11" and weighs about 90 pounds, I suggested she hold onto something when they turned on the BIG-ASS fans for the big demo.

Armand and Mme Litka (in her Big Girl shoes, cuz Armand ain't that short) giving an overview presentation of the LSWT.
Note the white board with sciency stuff behind Armand.

But the real question is - does it work?

In a word, yes.

We all know Skip Foley (for those that don't, go here). In a nutshell he's won two national criterium titles, placed 3rd in the 2007 masters national TT, set the Charlie Baker Time Trial (CBTT) Masters record in 2007, and has won scores of local races in the masters and pro fields. Skip visited the tunnel earlier this year, worked with the staff to tweak out his road bike (not TT) position, then went out to the CBTT to check it out.

The result? He dropped 1:15 off his old non-aero time on a 9.75 mile course 5 weeks later. Not convinced? He went back a week later and set nearly the same time. Incidentally, that time placed him 3rd fastest all-time non-aero on the course. Not just masters non-aero 3rd fastest, but _overall_ non-aero 3rd fastest - at the age of 48. One could suggested that basic fitness gains might have had a significant effect, but knowing Skip, his fitness was already at such a level that only incremental gains would have been realized over that time. Furthermore, Skip credits SMARTs work exclusively for the improvement.

Armand used himself as somewhat of a guinea pig as well. His before/after results? A drop of nearly 1:30 on the same course Skip rode. Sure, much of that could have come from fitness gains over a 4 week period, but since I know Armand rather well, and I know how much time he has to train, I'm going to go with – ‘yeah, there was some of that, but not 90 seconds over less than 10 miles'.

Armand has other testimonials at his disposal, but if you're interested you should probably talk to him. You should probably talk to him anyways, if you have any designs on being a more efficient rider.

Put it on your fuckit....er...Bucket List.

Factors leading to the ‘fuckIt’ conversation

Albania? WTF!?!

2010-11-12T10:28:00.000-08:00

Saw this on my Stats page today.....

I had 66 hits from people in albania, only about a dozen repeat URLs, and mostly on Titties and Beer

link dump

2010-11-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

(disclaimer - I posted this entry, then went over to check out Thom Ps blog only to find out he had posted a bunch of video links too. I really didn't get the idea for this post from him, I swear)

In my last post, I referred to a whole bunch of bands I was into when I first started bike racing. I was editing the post this morning to add links to the text, and I thought 'hey, why not embed videos in a new post?'. So, here it is:

Depeche Mode - Master And Servant (1984) (English) Video

The Cure

One Score Down The Tubes

2010-11-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

That's score, not score.

I've actually been racing longer than 20 years. I've held a USCF license for 23 years, and started racing 25 years ago. I became a cat 3 in 1990, and I've been there ever since. woohoo.

I was looking through pictures an memory stick and going down memory lane this week when I came upon some pictures taken of me in about 1990. Really, I'm not sure, I was trying to stitch together the faded memory fragments, rendered into such a state by the years and the abuse of my body and brain I was still subjecting myself to until long after that lost weekend in 1986. (there's only so much blow you can do in a 72 hour period before you either die or simply pass out from lack of food - fortunately (or not) for me it was the latter).

I ran across these (click to enlarge):

Yes, that is a nashbar funny bike, Circa 1985....ish. I don't know for sure because it isn't mine. It belongs in fact to Ed Kross (The Nicest Guy In Cycling (the only guy I ever raced with that blew his nose into a hankie during a race)), and who bears a large part of the blame for this obsession.

The Funny bike is so named because it looks fucking ridiculous. It had a small 24" wheel in the front and a 27" wheel in the back. I put a 700C campy record wheel on the back, and slapped on a wheel cover. Like those stickers? it's all alternative/punk bands from the 70's/80's

Black Flag
Public Image, Ltd.
New Order
Joy Division
Sex Pistols
Dead Milkmen
Butthole Surfers
English Beat (yes, a Ska band but totally awesome)
DEpeche Mode
The Smiths
The Cure
Souxie and The Banshees

You'll also notice a flat front tire. I was attempting to race the District Time Trial, and flatted the front tire about 1/2 way through, just after the turn-around. I also found this picture from that same day:

Those are two guys I used to race on NEBC with. In the skin-suit is Tom Scanlon. He doesn't race anymore, and for a while I thought he was a friend, until I found out he really thought I was socially beneath him. Tending to the bike is Ray Johnson, who is still my friend. Ray is one of those phenoms that started racing as a cat 4, upgraded to cat 3 before the end of the first year, then had enough points to upgrade to cat two halfway through the next year. He decided to sand bag it for a few months and finish the year as a 3, and won the Killing 5 day stage race. He raced fora few local elite teams over the years. He still has one of the old course records at the Charlie Baker time Trial old course, as well as the mens non-aero record on the new course. He still races occasionally, he trains for about a day and a half then places in masters races against former pros.

I kept digging, and found these pictures:

Fitchburg, Longsjo Classic 1990 - criterium stage. My very first race as a cat 3. That's Ed Kross in the center of the picture with the blue/white helmet and me behind him in the same kit.

Notice in these, all the bikes had down tube shifters and many still had exposed brake cables. I'm still riding toe clips, but I was pretty much the only one.

Damn, Could I be any fucking skinnier? Oh, wait, I still am....

(from here)

Then I found these:

Still 1990, The Nashua Criterium at Holman Stadium. In the first picture I've circled Chronoman, The test case for Negacoaching techniques. On his right _could_ be Duane Skofield, but he may have been racing as a cat 2 then.

Well, that's it for _this_ installment of "The Zen Of Memory Lane". Next time I'll put up pictures of the car that almost got me arrested - for not even driving it.

I felt stupid, but I had fun anyways

2010-11-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

I went to the Wicked Ride Of The East on sunday. It's a mountain bike 'festival' held entirely within the boundaries of the Harold Parker State Forest and promoted by NEMBA.

I haven't been riding there in years, and when I last rode regularly there it was in the '90s. Things have changed a lot since then.

Back then, we rode what few hiking trails there were, happening upon walkers, equestrians, and the occasional homoerotic encounter (yes, HPSF used to be known for its 'trolling' activity).

Now though, NEMBA has been working diligently for over ten years to create a rather expansive, interesting, and challenging trail network. I don't know exactly how many miles of trails there are at HPSF now, but the route they had mapped out was 20 miles, and didn't cover all of it.

Saturday was my fathers 70th birthday, which I hosted. We had relatives from as far as georgia, and we stayed up past midnight eating and drinking. Fortunately, the Wicked ride is not a race. Still I got up in the morning, did the dishes from 12 place settings from the night before, then went to the ride.

Stopped of course at McDonalds for my 'endurance breakfast' of a bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit and hash browns (amanda, you didn't read that).

Parking was an issue. They had saw horses in front of the main driveway, so cars were lining up along the park road parked directly under the "tow zone" signs. I found a driveway to the gun club with no cars in it, and no signs saying I couldn't park there. While I was getting ready A rather portly gentleman on a freeride bike rode by and commented "they ain't gonna like you pahkin' theah". (non- new englanders should click here for a demonstration of the eastern new england accent). Since there were about 30 cars all lined up under "tow zone" signs and there was no posting where I was, I ignored him.

I finished getting dressed - forgot my shell. Shit - no biggie, it wasn't _that_ cold.

I put the bike together and realized, I hadn't fixed the loose pad in the rear brake - yes, I still ride V-brakes. Unless you're going to buy me a IF Custom Deluxe Ti with disk brakes and Mavic Cross Max wheels, shut the fuck up. Anyways, I had lost the retaining wire on the pad somehow, and the pad was loose. In a MacGyver moment, I pulled a safety pin off my kit-bag and snapped it in place.

Perfect!

Then I realize I had brought no more food. Hmm, could be a short day between the mild hangover and no food other than my 'endurance formula'.

Now, I've been out of the MTB scene for a long time. I haven't ridden consistently in ten years. So, I know like _no_ one except for Phil Keyes - the executive director of NEMBA. I guess if you had to pick one person to know, he's probably the best choice.

I register, don't see Phil anywhere. I'm one of the few guys in actual cycling clothes. Almost everyone else is in baggy MTB chic. I see a vendor set up with a whole array of OdWalla drinks. I ask how much and he says "just take a few". Excellent - food problem solved.

I spy a group of guys in real cycling clothes, and it turns out one is Big Bikes Thom P. He doesn't know me. I introduce myself. Now he knows me. We chat for a bit. He's very nice to me, actually _engaging_. Very cool. I think he just appreciates that I was one of the people who paid to see him drink Chelada during the SSUSA.

They were just about to head out, so I said "I'll see how long I can hang with you single speeders" I don't remember the other guys names, but there was another singlespeeder and two geared bikes, one of which was a dude in a full IF Ora team road kit - Turns out it was Robbie king, though I didn't know that until much later.

At the beginning of the ride there was a lot of traffic. I came off the bike at the first vertical challange. They must have been so impressed. I didn't have much of a problem for a while after that first section, but there was a lot of traffic on the trial, so things were slow going. I managed to catch up to Thom, and yo-yo'd behind him for a while until they stopped for a re-group.

Now, Thom was riding a 29'r single speed with a 39x17. I know guys that don't ride a gear that tall on their road fixies. At one point, I see him clear this short vertical ledge. I wasn't having too much of a problem staying with them at that point so i said 'oh, that's the good line'. Well, If you have a29r with no big chainring, it was a good line. I bashed into it at full speed, and if not for the fact that the front wheel was already 18 inches higher than the rear wheel, it would have be a you-tube worthy moment, if not something on fail blog. I was lucky that I had my right pedal at about 2 o'clock so I was able to lift the bike over it.

None of these guys has crashed yet, and I was already down twice. Feelin dumb, havin fun.

As the ride progressed, I kept dropping off the pace earlier. Once we were about 1/2 way into the ride and they had stopped for me about the 3rd time, I said to them "guys, you don't have to wait for me". I mean, seriously. I was a good 15 years older than any of them, at least two are sponsored (almost pro) riders, and I had a hang over. I can't believe they were waiting for me to begin with.

So, I popped in my MP3 player and started riding my own pace. This was _much_ better. Interestingly enough, even though they were out of sight after a few minutes, I continued to pass other riders and didn't get passed by anyone. I was riding my own pace, picking my own lines, Jamming out to stuff like Violent Mood Swings by Stabbing Westward and not worrying about holding up anyone behind me.

A while later, I see Robbie by the side of the trail - flat tire. He has no tools except and inflator and a tube. Tubeless tires do not come off tubeless rims without some good leverage. I stopped and gave him mine, and chatted with him for a bit. This is where I found out he was robbie king. I made sure after we started off again that they were all ahead of me. Once again, I was presently dispatched.

I rode the rest of the ride comfortably rockin' out, passing riders along the way. I got a flat myself, and fixed it pretty quickly. Back riding again, I saw another rider stopped with a flat at one point that had a single speed and one of those eccentric hubs. Those aren't quick release. He had broken his multi-tool. I lent him mine. It had been getting steadily cooler as I rode, and now that I had stopped I had gotten a chill. I checked my watch and I had been out about 3 hours. I decided to check the map and found that I could bail on the last two miles of single track. It wasn't like I needed the workout. I made it back to the parking lot in about ten minutes. I rode over to the registration area to see if Thom et al had made it back. Didn't see them.

I checked out the free chili they advertised. There wasn't any. Instead it was Pulled Pork. That's all well and good, but it was advertised as free, and they had a sign in front that said 'suggested donation $10'. um...hmmmm....A free pulled pork sandwich....for $10. Yeah, good cause and all that (some sort of "BBQ for a cure" foundation, couldn't find a weblink), but, no. I had those two Odwallas on the ride and I wasn't starving.

I just headed home. I was tired, a bit chilly, and had a decent bruise forming on my hip from a crash.

I felt stupid, but I had fun anyways.

"hey buddy, how they hangin' "

2010-10-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, that was the typical greeting I used to get from a female co-worker at HP about 15 years ago. She was from colorado, and I guess that was common vernacular. She stopped saying it when I replied one day "wanna see?"

But that's not what this post is about.

I've had a reasonably good week. I managed to ride in to work tuesday, wednesday, and thursday, taking advantage of the summer-like temperatures. I got actual work done at work, and even made significant progress on my fuji suncrest single speed project bike (painting almost done).

I feel myself coming out of the funk I've been feeling since the Debacle At Sucker Brook. I'm actually motivated to ride and run, though not enough to fork out $30 to do the canton cup this weekend. In Lieu, I'll be heading out to the Wicked Ride Of The East on sunday - yeah, $25, but a lot closer, a lot more casual, less pain, and I'm thinkin more fun.

And since I've been remiss in posting HNTs lately, I'll leave you with this - just in time for halloween

See more of Morrigan Hel Here.

"I'm Not Dead Yet!"

2010-10-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

Gotta Luv MPFC

My motivation received a rather substantial boost over the past two weeks. I was asked by a former teammate to go running in my local park, and to show some new trails - albeit on foot.

He's a former elite runner - took some time off after a debilitation achilles injury and got into cycling as rehab. and immediately started kicking ass. He's a natural athlete, innate aerobic capacity. I showed him my trails, we were out for about an hour, then I paid for it for the next week. We've gone running three times since, and now I'm no longer in pain - though he's just casually running and I'm pushing it. He alleges to not mind the slower pace, and I appreciate the push. Turns out the guy is the senior executive for a rather notable bicycle product company. I'd name names, but since his only reference to me is a vague mention on his blog, I'll let him make that move.

Last week though, I took wedesday afternoon off and met up with him, a couple of his employees, and Phil Keyes of NEMBA for a little spin around the winnekenni park and Millvale Reservoir. We were a bit over two hours, The weather was great, and I think everyone had a good time except for a younger downhill specialist who wasn't used to 2 1/2 hour cross country excursions.

That's me in the stars and stripes. More pictures here.

I haven't seen Phil in 12 years. Seriously - haven't seen, heard from, or communicated with at all. He didn't know I was going to be there, and immediately remembered riding together in the forests of Groton 12 years ago with a group who called ourselves "the Puke Boys" when he saw me. Remembered my name, and remembered the bike I was riding back then. Phil's a super nice guy. Too nice for the likes of me.

Other than that, I did a few other interesting things. The weekend before last I spent a total of 18 hours ripping out and replacing the pantry floor in my parents in-law apartment in my house, for the purpose of removing a skunk that had crawled inside to die. This was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever done (and I've done a lot of disgusting things). I have video, but it recorded in some new version of a high definition .MOV, and I don't have the patience to download an editor to edit out my trying to figure out the new camera.

Last week, after the MTB ride I called in to work, and my boss informed me that some people from our Rockford office were in the area, and the big boss decided to spring for a Celtics game for the whole group, and I should get back to work if I wanted in. Big Baby, Shaq, and the crew did well, coming back from 15 points down at the half to 20 points up with a few minutes to play.

The day after the game I got a call from my (soon to be former) tenant saying a locksmith had padlocked the first floor apartment. I own a piece of shit triple decker apartment building that we had to let go to foreclosure. It appears that a real estate agent looking to assert the banks ownership has been harassing my tenants to move. Problem is, The bank hasn't taken the building yet. I'm still the legal owner. Even still, New Hampshire state law is very clear - upon the transfer of deed, tenants-at-will can be given no less that 90 days notice to quit. This woman was pounding on the door a week after the auction, and has now padlocked one the apartments.

I placed a call to the attorney generals office, who assured me this behavior was in violation of the law. They suggested I file a complaint.

I faxed the complaint on thursday afternoon.

Friday morning I'm giving an interview to an assistant AG over the phone. She said she was going to call the mortgage company to let them know their agent in New Hampshire was in violation of the law. She also suggested I file a complaint with the NH Real Estate Commission which is in the works.

That went well.

I rode to work today, first time in maybe a month. It felt like it.

The Hardware - Giant XTC SE2

2010-10-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is an old bike, but I really like it. It fits well, and it's very friendly. I got it from the shop that used to sponsor my old team. It sat for a while at the shop and no one bought it, so the owner stripped the parts and I bought the frame for $300.

I tried racing it, but the geometry is a bit off for that. The wheelbase is short, the rear triangle is very tight, and it's very stiff. It's actually one of the lightest MTB frames ever mass produced if you believe the literature. It's made from Giants proprietary AlCU, whatever that is. Since the tubes are so thin, you can see they had to go with the 'beer can' downtube for strength. As such it doesn't do well on rough courses. Of course, the thing climbs like a solid fuel rocket, but I can't keep the rear wheel on the ground on a rough descent. Between the 'active' rear end and the fact that I race well under 150 pounds, it's just to skittish.

So, I decided to set it up for 'cross. I had an aluminum Kinesis rigid fork that weighs about one pound. I put on some left over parts from my old Proflex 853: tektro blue anodized brakes, Real blue anodized levers, sampson stratics blue anodized crankset, Sram X-ray 8 speed shifters, and some old 8 speed XTR deraileurs I had laying around. For a while I had a stupid light MTB wheelset consisting of American Classic hubs and Mavic 213 rims. Eventually though, the Regina 8 speed freewheel wore out, and you simply can't find 8 speed freewheel replacements anywhere anymore. (If you have a link, let me know). So I how have the american classic on the front, but a WTB offset rim laced to a white industries cassette hub on the rear. Gearing is 24/34/44 x 12/21. For 'cross use, I put Continental Cross Country 1.5's front and rear.

As it sits in the picture, the bike weighs 9 Kg even. My 'real' 'cross bike - a steel bontrager CX - weighs over 1 Kg more. It's still not very good for 'cross, since it doesn't accelerate or handle as well as a real XC bike, and even I can tell the difference - as shitty as a 'cross rider that I am - between this and my bontrager. I have it for that special race where we've had 6 inches of rain for the past week and the course is a mud bog. This thing does fantastic in those conditions.

I found another good use for it this past summer. A local bike club has a weekly time trial, and they called out a day for MTB. Ride the TT course on your MTB. The rules - had to be a frame designed as a mountain bike; flat bars; off road tires of at least 1.85 " (no slicks or road tires), and no aero accessories (wheel covers, clip-on bars, aero helmet). Well, I just happened to have a set of tires by Kenda called the Kosmic Lite. 1.95", 395 grams, max pressure of 80 PSI, miminalist off road tread - similar to a ritchey speedmax. As shitty as a time trialist as I am, I got 2nd, only six seconds behind the winner. Most times they tell you "it aint the bike, it's the motor". Not this time.

E-Mail Of The Week

2010-10-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

well, last week...

I just love these. I get variations on them all the time, though not nearly as often as the ones from the Tanzanian widow of the government finance minister who beseeches my help in storing her vast wealth in my private bank account for which she would give me a sizable percentage after the Coup d'état...but I digress.

Most of the letters of the following type are ostensibly penned by american college women, new in town and looking for someone more experienced to show them around. This one, however, was a first - even for me....

From: bah.irinochka@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, October 08, 2010 12:06 PM
To: funkmasterxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Hello!!!

Hello My New friend!!! How are you? My name is Irina. To me of 28 years. I was born at 14 of October in 1981. Today I have come in Internet-cafe to find for myself the real person. For me it is mine the first dating on the Internet. I have addressed to the operator in Internet-cafe that it has shown me a site where I could get acquainted. I have found yours email the address on dating site which call "be 2". Still I would like to explain you the reason why I have decided to get acquainted through the Internet.

It because I have been disappointed in men from Russia. And I think that I will find the special person from other country. Which will understand me as the woman instead of as a thing from which it is possible to address as you want. I wish to have real love that we approached each other. I wanted that in which that man I wish to meet there were such lines: Honesty, goodwill, openness, trustfulness, sincerity, fair.

I think that this all the basic lines which should be concluded in the man. The most important thing that should be at two loving each other people this trust and love. If it is that I think that that cannot separate two enamoured people. That I always could rely on favourite in difficult minute and that I could help it when to it it will be heavy. A little more on itself. I the independent woman. Has always got used to achieve all, not addressing to whose or the help. Lonely, no children I have. Married when was not. At present I try to find the person special for. I have written to you because you to me have seemed to the interesting. And I have decided to get acquainted with you. I hope that our acquaintance to proceed, As it is very interesting to me to learn about you more. I will wait from you for the letter. You can write to me on my personal address: bah.irinochka@yahoo.com With the best regards your new friend Irina.

This picture was attached:

This line struck me : Which will understand me as the woman instead of as a thing from which it is possible to address as you want.

Does that mean I can't call you Daddy's Good Little Whore? Well, fucking forget it then.......

And So It Waits

2010-10-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

This is where I parked it on september 24

This is where it was this morning.

Get that? Right. It's the same picture. In other words, my 'daily' bike hasn't moved in ten days.

I have a small awning outside my basment door, I usually park the bike there all summer, thought it rarely sits more that a couple days.

My motivation has reached a significant low, due in no part to the ridiculous performance I registered at Sucker Brook last weekend. It started out well enough, I even got one of my best starts I've ever had in a cross race. I went into the firs serpentine section in maybe 10th spot. It went downhill from there - rapidly. Halfway through I was getting passed by dudes that haven't beat me in 2 years. By the end of the race I had dropped below the 50th percentile. No energy, no snap, I was actually accelerating faster seated than standing.

Coupled with other personal issues that are not blog fodder (yet) I've decided to pack it in for the year.

Before sucker brook

After sucker book

Time to focus somewhere else. I'll be commuting until it gets dark too early, but I'll be enjoying my MTB on weekends. I'll get more running in, and maybe take a yoga class. I just hope I don't end up have a shape resembling a turkey before I'm done.

How I Became A Professional Mountain Biker

2010-09-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Notice I left 'Racer' off the title. We been trying to get our ISO 9000 certification at work. It turns out the auditor is an avid mountainbiker. He's from the midwest where the the biggest hills are highway overpasses and the biggest excuse for technical single track is weaving around a loamy pine forest. Well, when he found out I was bike racer, he asked if I had a spare bike and could show him some interesting local trails. Not that we have anything close to work that qualifies as world cup, but we do have a chunk of conservation land with two 100' hills, and a section of mostly singletrack, alternately rocky and rooty, smooth and swoopy. Toss in a few stone wall crossings and you have a recipe for a fun fast ride - unless you're a mountainbiker from the midwest.

So I took him out for a ride. I let him ride my Independent Fabrications Custom Deluxe Ti with the SID World Cup shock. I rode my Giant XTC rigid.

We were out for about an hour, and the guy couldn't stop raving about the trails, "Real Trails" as he called them. I spent as much time waiting for him as I did actually riding, but he's a personable guy so we were able to chat during the ride - in between his gasps for air.

Here's the best part - I got paid for it. My boss told me to charge the time to the certification project.

So yes, I got paid - as part of my job - to go mountainbiking. Therefore, I am, by definition, a professional mountain biker:

Noun

professional (plural professionals)

A person who belongs to a profession
A person who earns his living from a specified activity
An expert. [quotations ▼]

hmm, ok, maybe not.

But I still got paid to go mountain biking, and you really can't beat that.

more stupid shit and H.N.T.

2010-09-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a week for a few reasons. I had what was probably the shittiest weekend I've had in a couple years last weekend, some of it my fault, some of it not. None of it was on the bike, and I didn't even get to ride the bike from wednesday of last week until tuesday of this week. Suffice it to say the highlight was finding a can of Billy Beer for 50 cents at an antique store in Elizabethtown, NY

That said, I really didn't have anything to say that I tought would be interesting, not that anything you ever read here is. So, I've decided to make today an HNT hommage the the Women of Track Racing. Enjoy!

Rebecca Romero

Victoria Pendleton

fuckit. Not a track Racer, but cute nonetheless.

H.N.T.

2010-09-16T11:44:00.001-07:00

I knew there was something I was missing about mountain biking.......

Thanks to Brie at Assfault

"It Followed Me Home, Mom"

2010-09-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

This is what the Fuji Suncrest looked like when I first put it in the stand. The wheels aren't shown, Not that they need to be - you get the point.

(click to enlarge)

I'll post more as the project progresses.

Non - Sequiturs

2010-09-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

I found a Fuji Suncrest behind the shed of the New Hampshire redneck I recently bought some decking from. The derailleur was snapped off, both tires were flat, and all the cables were rusted solid. It's a decent 4130 TIG welded frame with forged dropouts. It had a complete shitmano exage LX component group, and what also caught my eye was the Farmer John tire on the front wheel. My first race MTB (Diamondback Ascent c1989) came with farmer johns.

Based on the frame and components, it was probably an entry level race bike when it was originally sold. My web research turns up a vintage of around 1990 - my guess was early 90's based on the components, frame, and rigid fork. I offered him 20 bucks for it - and he actually had to fucking think about it.......It's going to be a project fixed/single speed conversion. I'll post pictures when it's done.

I skipped out on the QuadCycles CX race yesterday because I rebuilt my front steps on saturday, which necessarily require much cutting and lifting of lumber, as well as mixing and pouring of concrete. I'm 48, I decided it wasn't in my best interest to _start_ a 'cross race in pain.

Michael Collins Irish Whiskey sucks......really....(I don't care what these twits say)

And this from Chicks and Bikes.....um.....yeah.....I saw that in a movie once.....

T.M.I. Friday

2010-09-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Then: september 1962

Age: new
Where did I live? Ethiopia
Occupation: enduring burden
Romantic Status: food
My BFFs: None.
I spent way too much time: crying
I spent not enough time: sleeping
I wanted to be when I grew up: no concept
Biggest concern: food
What my biggest concern should have been: food
Fun night out: food and a clean diaper
Dumbest thing I did that year: came out of the womb
If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: don't be such a dickhead
What do I miss most from 1962: not remembering it
What do I miss least from 1962: n/a

then: september 1970

Age: 8
Where do I live: Binghampton, NY
Occupation: enduring burden
Romantic Status: none
My BFFs: none
I spend way too much time: trying not to get beat up in school
I spend not enough time: minding my own business
I want to be when I grow up: artist
Biggest concern: getting beaten up in school
What my biggest concern should be: not being such a dickhead
Fun night out: drive-in movie
Dumbest thing I did that year: mouthed off to a class mate that was way bigger and way dumber
If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: don't be such a dickhead
What do I miss most from 1970: not much, it really sucked
What do I miss least from 1970: the whole thing
What did I accomplished in those 8 years that I am most proud of: did well in school

then: september 1980

Age: 18
Where do I live: Ayer, Ma
Occupation: student/lumber yard lackey
Romantic Status: none
My BFFs: none
I spend way too much time: partying
I spend not enough time: studying
I want to be when I grow up: musician
Biggest concern: getting laid
What my biggest concern should be: getting into college
Fun night out: loud music, booze, dope, get laid
Dumbest thing I did year: slacked off in school
If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: don't be such a dickhead
What do I miss most from 1980: not really caring about anything, and not having to
What do I miss least from 1980: having no direction or purpose in life
What have I accomplished in those 10 years that I am most proud of: won an audition to be part of an orchestra that toured europe, and going.

then: september 1990

Age: 28
Where do I live: chelmsford, MA
Occupation: engineering technian
Romantic Status: married (1st)
My BFFs: still none
I spend way too much time: thinking I was going to be a good bike racer
I spend not enough time: staying in school to finish my degree
I want to be when I grow up: unclear at that point
Biggest concern: training
What my biggest concern should be: staying in school to finish my degree
Fun night out: Loud music and getting laid
Dumbest thing I did that year: didn't stay in school
If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: don't be such a dickhead
What do I miss most from 1990: great sex
What do I miss least from 1990: every other aspect of my 1st marriage
What have I accomplished in those 10 years that I am most proud of: Didn't end up dead.

then: september 2000

Age: 38
Where do I live: Haverhill, MA
Occupation: Test Engineer
Romantic Status: married (2nd)
My BFFs: wife
I spend way too much time: spending money
I spend not enough time: saving money
I want to be when I grow up: something to do with cycling
Biggest concern: not having the money to retire comfortably
What my biggest concern should be: not having the money to retire comfortably
Fun night out: loud music, get laid
Dumbest thing I have done this year: Didn't save enough money
If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: Start saving money, dickhead
What do I miss most from 2000: My daughter was sweet, little, and cute
What do I miss least from 2000: My idiot neighbor
What have I accomplished in those 10 years that I am most proud of: Finally got most of my shit together

now: september 2010

Age: 48
Where do I live: Haverhill, MA
Occupation: Engineering Lab Manager
Romantic Status: Married (2nd)
My BFFs: wife
I spend way too much time: surfing porn and not saving money
I spend not enough time: saving money
I want to be when I grow up: still something to do with cycling
Biggest concern: That the US will turn into a corporate-fascist excuse for a democracy.
What my biggest concern should be: making sure we have enough savings to retire comfortably
Fun night out: loud music, getting laid
Dumbest thing I have done this year: spent too much time fucking around on the fucking web
What I think I would say to myself in 10 years: You still didn't save enough money...didja dickhead...
What have I accomplished in those 10 years that I am most proud of: Did manage to put together some semblance of a reasonable retirement plan.

going fast and breaking things

2010-09-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

I set what I'm thinking is a good benchmark for me at the local time trial, riding cannibal. I averaged a hair over 24 mph on the 9.75 mile course. I never claimed to be a great time trialist - or even a good one, but I was happy with this. The last time I attempted to set some sort of benchmark on this course was in 1992 - yes, 18 years ago. They've shortened the course a bit since then. It used to be a complete loop of 10.8 miles. Now they start at one point and finish a mile earlier into the same loop, cutting out an intersection that has been fitted with a stop light.

18 years ago my cannibal PR was 26.02,or a hair under 25 mph. This Wednesday I averaged a hair over 24 mph. Intrigued by this, I checked my current PR against my old PR full aero. Again, the difference is about 1 mph.

Is losing one mile per hour after 18 years ok?

I blogged earlier in the week about racing two 'cross races last weekend. One with a heinous loose rocky steep long downhill and the other flat but scattered with roots. I survived the death descent on saturday well, but the roots on sunday weren't so kind, giving my Mavic Classics SSC clinchers a flat rear and a tweaked front. Yesterday I finally got to checking out the wheels. The rear is fine, no loose spokes, completely in true and round. The front though...

When I pulled off the tire I was shocked to see the sidewall creased, folded over inside the rim.

I've fixed wheels with this sort of damage before - quite successfully. I have a ten-year-old set of Rolf Vector Comp clinchers that have conservatively 50,000 miles on them and required little maintenance. I've rebuilt the hubs, trued them occasionally, and in one instance had to pry the sidewall straight after hitting a pothole. You do this by adjusting an adjustable C wrench over the sidewall so there is as little play as possible, and gently work along the sidewall to straighten it. Yes, this works, I've done it on more than one clincher. I finally had to retire the rear Vector Comp this summer after I nailed a pothole while drafting a truck through lawrence.

The alloy on the Mavic SSC rim is considerably less ductile than my other wheels, and when I tried the C wrench, it simple tore the metal. Here you can see the tear along the base of the sidewall, as well as the crystalline stress fractures.

This picture shows the tooling mark, the chipping of the ceramic coating, and what appears to be a separation along the sidewall-rim seam.

I'm not too upset about it, I think I paid $100 for the pair, though I've been telling people I traded a bag of weed for them. The only question is what do I replace it with? I'd like to get something that gives at least the suggestion of an aesthetic match without going nuts on the cost. Black Open Pro rims run anywhere from $70 to $120 depending on whether I want the base level, the CD (Couche Dure, or Hard Anodized), or the ceramic. I'm thinking I don't want to spend alot of money on a 'cross wheel.

Well, that pretty much sucks....

2010-09-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

Laurent Fignon succumbs to cancer at 50.

Bernard Hinault said “I only have good memories of him. Even if he was a combative rival on the bike, we shared a lot of good times. I always saw him happy with a joie de vivre even in the toughest of times.”

I’m stylish, in Esperanto!

2010-09-01T05:45:00.001-07:00

I was looking for a theme for a blogpost, and thanks to My Favorite Rockstar, I now have one, in Esperanto!

According to her I’m a stylish blogger. I don’t really know what that means, but I have a feeling it doesn’t have much to do with my shoes.

So I’ve been tagged with this ‘stylish’ thingie, and it comes with a task (hey, with great power comes great responsibility…right?)

1. Make a post and link back to the person who tagged you with the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award to 7 great bloggers.
(ok, I changed the rules just a bit)

In alphabetical order, here’s the list of bloggers I frequent – hopefully they’ll pay it forward.

BigBikes

Confessions of an Erotic Masseuse

Introspection Section

Miles and Madness

Single Track Mind
(no specific post here, they’re _all_ good)

Solobreak

The Perfect Draft

2. Seven things about me….hmmm…..I’m gonna give you 8, and one of them _won’t_ be true. Spot the lie.

* I was born in Ethiopia

* I’m a classically trained musician, and toured Europe with a nationwide orchestra when I was 15.

* I went to 9 different schools by the time I graduated high school

* I’ve rebuilt three engines, and done major rebuild/repair on many more. I actually entertained the idea of being a mechanic at one point.

* As a young child I had severe asthma and couldn’t run around the block

* I’ve been a licensed bicycle racer for 25 years.

* My marathon PR is only 3:49

* I’ve been married twice, and was engaged once more.

So, of course, The Ranting Rockstar is the protagonist here, and I could just send you to her front page, but I’m going to send you here

Because, folks, _that’s_ real blogging.

(Please go Here for comments)

And the StudMuffin Award Winner Is......

2010-08-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

I caught a truck draft on the way to work this morning. Not like this:

I was on pavement, in my 53x11, spinning at 42mph. Euphemistically 'hanging on'.

I did two cyclocross races this weekend. It was fun. My club put them on so it was free too. All I had to do was a little work. I helped score two races both days, ran the registration table for a bit one day, and stayed well after the race both days, picking up trash, taking down course tape and stakes.

The saturday race was a new course. Some sick bastard decided it would be a good idea to put in a rocky, steep, long, technical downhill followed by a rocky, steep, long, technical uphill. It wasn't much of a problem for those of us with decent MTB skills. I thought it was a blast, but a bit much for a CX course. The uphill wasn't quite rideable for me on a CX bike, though I know there were guys that could.

Just after the start finish there was a curb with a 3-foot wide ramp over it, followed by an immediate ten foot drop on a grassy slope and then a shallow downhill for the next 100 yards. On the first lap we headed into but I was amazed that guys were actually slowing down and lining up for the ramp. This was 4 inch curb! I jumped around then group, bunny hopped the curb and blasted down the knoll at full speed. I went from second to last in the pack to about 5th in about 1 second. I ended up on the wheel of the dude that eventually placed 6th. I got jammed into a corner shortly after and lost a few places, but came on strong on the rocky, steep, long, technical downhill and took maybe two spots back. I was actually doing pretty well - riding in the top ten - until I tried to ride one of the run ups at that top of rocky, steep, long, technical uphill, fell over into the brush, and couldn't get up. I was tangled in the branches, the bike actually laying under me so I couldn't get my pedal unclipped. There was a spot where you could remount, push up a little rise, then turn a corner and go up a second tier. It was rideable, but not in traffic. I managed to get free and finish respectably, though I know I could have done better. I do well on technical courses like that.

The sunday race was much more traditional, no real climbing, three run-ups, but lots and lots of roots.

On my warm-up with ChronoMan, we ended up behind a small boy maybe ten years old on a BMX bike riding the course with his dad. the kid was actually moving pretty good. There was one section with perpendicular roots that made a sharp left onto a little wooden bridge. The kid went around it, and the rear of the bike bounced over about 6 inches aiming the kid ride for the water. He gave the bike a hip check to aim it back for the bridge and never stopped pedaling. He cleaned the bridge and the mud/roots on the over side. Chrono and I both cheered him "awesome, great save dude!", and his dad turned around to us beaming with pride.

Through the mountain bike mayhem the day before I had no issues, even letting loose on the rocky, steep, long, technical downhill. Sunday, on the first lap, I took a bad line at high speed and hit a patch of roots, resulting in a bent front wheel and a flat rear. As I was about half-way though the field at that point, I ended up riding about 2/3 of the course on the flat. Neutral support gave me a wheel change and I was on my way - deadfuckinglast.

I had hoped for a top ten finish yesterday, which should have been do-able since we only had 20 entries. Now, let's try not to get lapped. I did end up catching a few guys, and managed to escape the leaders by about one minute.

It's a good thing I don't take this shit seriously.

Anyways, our StudMuffin award of the day goes to......

(drum roll)

Cassandra Maximenko.

(Yes, I know 'stud muffin' is a term that usually applies to the male gender - I prefer to apply it genderalisitcally (?) neutral)

Cassadra won the womens overall at the Journey For Sight triathlon sunday morning, then drove over to our race and placed 4th in the womens field, about 2 1/2 minutes down.

I can do one 'cross race in a day, and it's tough for anyone except for the most fit and talented 'cross racers to do well in two races in a day. This woman did a freakin' triathlon and then a 'cross race.

StudMuffin, indeed.

H.N.T. and other shit - 2

2010-08-26T12:02:00.000-07:00

I watched a biography on Bob Marley on the Biography channel the other night.

I was in my formative post-adolescence as Marley came into prominence, but didn't quite catch that wave, if you know what I mean.

No, that period of my pop-culture life was dominated by Led Zepplin and Aerosmith being forced down my throat - I still change the station when Zepp comes on, I'm more tolerant of Aerosmith. Reggae was something that wasn't fully appreciated, though lot's of dope smoking was.

I smoked a _lot_ of dope from the age of 16 to about 25 - when I got into bike racing. I didn't quit, just didn't smoke as much. Between paying for races and bike parts, and trying to become faster/healthier/more fit, smoking pot only served to get in the way.

Road Racers don't typically lend themselves to recreational drug use. Mountain bikers are a different story. In the '90s I rode with a lot of MTBrs that would smoke before rides - hell, they would smoke before _races_.

These guys were way stronger riders than I, they were semi-pro/experts that would regularly win local events and place well in the regional events - riding stoned. They tolerated me because I had the endurance to go on 4 hour rides and would smoke with them after riding. I tried riding stoned once. Not a good idea.

I'm a fun happy stoner, but wholly uncoordinated. While they would have the ability to focus and zone in on the ride, I would be easily distracted.

"oh, dude, check out that" (crash)

Still, I remember the smell of surreptitious bong hits wafting from the back of beat-up minivans at the various pedrosfest events I frequented 15-20 years ago. These guys epitomized what drew me to the MTB scene back then. These were the guys that would drop a multi-tool as they rode by in a race if they saw you with a broken chain - or pull off at a technical section to see if the guy behind them would clean it - or stop and make sure you didn't have any internal injuries if they saw you writhing on the side of the trail. The mello, friendly, everyone-is-here-to-have-fun attitude.

Those days are long gone. The loose carefree attitude of the 80's MTB racer was gradually replaced by the same corporate uptight structure of road racing, replaced by posers with $3000 dollar bikes, team kits, and the attitude of a wall street hedge fund manager.

I don't race MTB anymore for various reasons. Partially because the expense has gotten so high ($40 for an event that requires no police or road closures?) and the races are by-and-large 2+ hours away, and also because that party atmosphere is gone. At least in road racing you have actual teams and can actually practice teamwork. There is as much a point of having a team in mountain bike racing as there is in golf or tennis.

Mostly I don't race MTB anymore because locally the sport is dominated by the Eastern Fuck-Tards Association. Talk about your uptight corporate structure. They used to be the very antithesis the USAC (then NORBA). Now they're harder to deal with than USAC ever was. A classic case of 'us' becoming 'them'.

Maybe they should take a bong hit before their next meeting.

H.N.T.

SS#4 - The Myth of the Stochastic Universe

2010-08-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Given knowledge of all variables, everything is deterministic

SS#3

2010-08-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't gone out for lunch at work and had more than two beers for a few years now, but I did today. For some reason I got to thinking how cool I thought tattooed urban hipster chicks riding fixed gears are, so I came back to work and made this.

SS #2

2010-08-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

In 1986 I raced my first criterium. The citizen race at the Longsjo Classic - when it was just a 0ne day criterium. I got there and realized I had forgotten my shorts. Luckily, the owner of the local shop I had been hanging around at - Paul Randazzo of Category One Cycle Goods in Tyngsboro (long since defunct) - had set up a table to sell some things. He gave me a deal on a pair of shorts that were just a tad small. I can't imagine this now, since I've put on 15 pounds since then and I'm still really fucking skinny (photo credit - solobreak).

I lined up with about a dozen other guys, none looking any more like a bike racer than me, though I did have one of the better bikes. A silly little ten mile crit. I rode well until the last couple of laps when I just completely gassed and couldn't stay on anyones wheel. Paul saw me off the back and yelled "what's the matter, your shorts too tight?" I would have laughed if I could have. I came in 2nd to last, just outsprinting a much older guy on a touring bike with a full beard.

I was hooked.

SS #1 (stupid shit #1)

2010-08-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

I caught a draft from a telephone company work truck this morning, but I had to bail on it after the smell of the drivers aftershave made me gag. I knew it was the truck driver, since it dissipated slowly as he pulled away, and disappeared completely when I went straight passed where I saw him turn. How much aftershave do you have to wear to pollute the air one hundred yards behind you?

H.N.T. and other shit

2010-07-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

So I rode the tuesday night fights with BOB, on tuesday...of course. My power meter battery died about 2/3 of the way, but I got some interesting data from it. On one hill-climb town-line sprint I averaged 598 watts for 30 seconds. I took the sprint, but had a good head of speed entering the bottom of the climb coming from about 6th spot in line. I took the sprint easily and felt I had some left, but I also had not been working much to that point. Later in the ride I put in a hard effort on this small rise that seems to give a lot of people trouble. I didn't attack, I stayed in the saddle and maintained the pace since I serendipitously got dropped on the front in the paceline at the bottom of the rise. I sustained 490 watts for 50 seconds. I looked back and had a big gap. I looked back a few seconds later and didn't see any one. A third look and I realized the group had stopped en-masse. I turned around and rode back, sure enough, a flat. Ah well, I hadn't intended to break away, just keep the pace high since it usually fades pretty badly through that section unless someone pushes it. No, those numbers aren't spectacular, but I was happy with them.

Last night I rode the NEBC CBTT (time trial) I posted 5 seconds slower than my fastest time this year.

meh.

I was lined up in front of a tandem ridden by a husband/wife team, the Ruanes. Patrick is an exceptional sprinter, and his wife Debbie has been riding exceptionally well this year, actually making the top half of the field at the working mans stage race time trial in the masters field. Well, they caught me about one mile from the start, and blew by me like I wasn't even racing. They set a new course record, averaging over 29 MPH. To make matters worse, they are genuinely good and nice people. I'd like to loathe them, but I can't. They aren't asshole like me.

Anyways, Here she is, your H.N.T. I give you, "The Bike Rack":

Hey......how ya doin'?

2010-07-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

Me? I’m good. Could be better, could be worse….

Lot’s worse…..

After the Longso classic, I had a whole host of things lined up to do. First thing was minor surgery to have a cycst removed from my back. It turns out the day I thought was supposed to be the surgery was actually a second consult. Surgery was rescheduled for two weeks later, on day two of the Working Man’s Stage Race. It’s healing nicely. Before then I had a 4 day business trip to Long Island, and two outdoor music festivals on the bookend weekends. As a result, I rode about 3 times between july 5^th and july 20^th.

I had a family gathering this past Sunday in Pembroke MA, which is just north of Plymouth – where the pilgrims landed and began their genocide on the indigenous people. It’s about 65 miles so I decided to ride it. I couldn’t figure a way around boston, since all of the circumferential state/federal routes are either limited access or too sketchy to explore on a bike when I actually had a destination. There was always Rte28 – goes north/south through boston. But, I remember from my days as a field service engineer that the section of 28 from Boston to Milton gets a bit scary – bad roads, abandoned cars, gang activity. Something Solobreak can verify, I’m sure.

So I poured through Google maps for an hour on Saturday night (I’m sooooo hip!) and found a rather direct route, right through the Bostons financial district then due south to the Neponset river bridge, into Quincy center, then rte 53 the rest of the way. My destination is about one mile off rte 53 in Pembroke.

I thought I planned accordingly. The weather looked good and not to hot. I drank about 24 oz of liquid before I left, ate a good breakfast, and carried two large water bottles plus two Cliff bars. I was sure I wouldn’t even need half of that, but I brought extra to be sure. Usually, even on a hot day I can get away with one large water bottle.

Everything went well until I was in Somerville, the city just north of Boston proper. It was getting hot. Really hot. I was stopping at stop lights like a good responsible cyclist, and was building up heat rapidly. The strong northwest winds I had heading into the city – keeping my average speed very high with little effort – weren’t making it to the ground level. There was no shade as the sun approached high noon, and the pavement was absorbing billions of BTUs from the sun every second. By the time I made it to south boston (aka Southie) I was already hitting the second bottle. It wasn’t possible to get more than a few hundred yards without hitting another stoplight, so accelerating from a stop did little more than generate more heat.

I finally made it to Quincy center. My average speed had dropped from almost 21 mph before I hit the northern city limits to just over 18 in about ten miles because of all the stoplights. My second bottle was less than half full, and I still had 30 miles to ride. At about the two hour mark, when I was confident I was able to navigate the rest of rte 53, I pulled over into a Burger King. My second bottle was just about empty. I bought one of those large plastic drink vats, filled it with ice, then coke. I drank it so quickly the ice barely melted. The caffeine and sugar blast helped as much as the cold liquid. After I drank the coke I poured the remaining ice in my two bottles, just about filling them.

As I was out of the city the wind had picked up significantly – still from the northwest. Now that the congestion had opened up I was able to keep moving, and with the tailwind I was moving fast. There were a number of times I was riding in the 28 mph range for extended periods, and times when I was rolling up little hills at almost 20 mph, feeling no headwind. I could have dialed it back, it was still _really_ hot, and I wasn’t keeping cool with my HR in zone 4, but how often do you get to keep your speed that fast for that long? I had plenty of water now, I knew where I was, I kept motoring. I had found that elusive “sweet spot”.

Finally pulling off of rte 53 onto the side road where my uncle lives, I checked some data. Riding time 3:20. Average speed 19.9. In the 25ish miles from Quincy, I had brought my average speed up from 18.7 to 19.9 thanks to that monster tailwind the whole way. I had managed to go through another bottle and a half in about an hour and 20 minutes. Here was the painful stat: average temp over the three hours and twenty minutes; 90 humid degrees…Max reading; ninety fucking eight. When I left my house at 9:15 it was 80.

My uncle had put a six-pack of 16 oz Gatorades on ice for me. I drank one right away. After I cooled down a bit I drank a 16 oz glass of milk (milk is a great recovery drink). I took a shower, and over the next hour I drank two 16 0z mugs of cranberry/orange juice, and another Gatorade. I still didn’t need to pee. I didn’t have to until several hours later, and then it wasn’t much. By then I had put away more than a gallon of fluid.

Well, I’m off to beat up on the BOB boys at the Tuesday night fights.

At Least No One got Hurt - Part 4

2010-07-06T17:43:00.000-07:00

So I got to work today, and a co-worker asked if I had a nice weekend.

I replied, "Well, no one got hurt".

Not _quite_ true...there were a few crashes, but no one got hauled away in an ambulance. This was a far cry from the typical 4th of july weekend I used to experience before I started bike racing, when the excitement consisted of a bag of weed, assorted alcohol, usually some blow, and the occasional psychotropic. Mix that with driving various models of early 70's GM sedans and living on the NH border where fireworks are sold legally and....well....one can see how careening down the side of a mountain at near 60 mph on a bicycle wearing 20 oz of lycra and 10 oz of a polystyrene excuse for a helmet is inherently safer.

Monday was the criterium. The Longsjo classic started 51 years ago as a criterium, and has continued uninterrupted since then, turning into a 4 day stage race somewhere around 1990. The time trial, road race, and circuit race formats have changed over the years, but the one thing that has remained constant since the 4 day format was started has been the crit. Before about 1990, it was down one block from where it is now. They moved it up one block a few years before it became a stage race, and it's been there ever since. Except for about one guy in the masters field, this race is older than all of the competitors. It's older than a few of the juniors grandparents.

As far as crits go, it's pretty boring. It's classified as a 3 corner crit, but the two corners on the bottom of the course (turns 2 and 3) are less than 100 feet apart, both 90 degrees, and if you enter the corner in the first few riders you really can't even pedal before you exit turn 3. So what you _really_ have is a .9 mile circuit, on a slight hill, with two 90 degree corners.

yawn.

Still, it's survived due to a combination of local support (The city and residents _love_ this race), Legacy (and by extension a pretty much reserved spot on the calendar), and a good prize list. Being a legit UCI and NRC race helps as well.

I wrote all that because, when you get right down to it, it's a basic boring crit, and has little outcome on the GC. Unless you have good teams racing, it's a promenade where everyone sits and waits for someone else to make a move.

I hate that shit.

Fortunately, Masters racing usually has some sort of team dynamic. While I wouldn't say the 2010 edition of the Longsjo Stage Race Criterium Masters category was a 'barn-burner', it was about as interesting as crits get from a racers perspective. Jonny Bold had the GC pretty much locked up barring a crash, so he was working to get his teammate Sam Morse clear enough to take at least 2nd spot. This isn't the kind of course a group can get away on without the support of a decent sized team. As a result, every attempt at breakaways was neutralized by the dozen-or-so opportunists in the field. The only thing that kept the race interesting at all was the points competition/primes.

I took two flyers off the front during the race, mostly because I was bored. My team mate also went for two forays off the front, but since he is _very_ well known locally as a strong and successful break away specialist, he wasn't allowed any slack. I lost steam during my first attempt since they rang the bell for a prime as I came through with only a small gap. My second flyer briefly sparked the interest of the former race leader Max Lippolis and current race leader Jonny Bold. However, as soon as Bold bridged up to us that raised enough warning bells in the field to evoke a chase and we were caught after one lap, Not a big deal really, if those two decided to keep it going, I'm pretty sure they would have dropped me. My team is also well-known locally for ripping up criteriums. Two of my more successful teammates are very aggressive, and my captain is....reviled...to be polite. I'd _like_ to think the riders in the field saw a Cyclonauts jersey attacking and thought 'we can't let those guys go', but hey, who am I kidding. If it was my team captain attacking they'd know for sure it was time to hold on for dear life, but seriously...my team captain outweighs me by 60 pounds (and my other teammate at the longso by at least 50 pounds) - something quite obvious when wearing a bright yellow skinsuit. Any rider that would mistake either one of us for him isn't really a threat.

So, as could have been predicted, the field pretty much finished together save a few stragglers, for a Same Time finish. I moved up one spot on GC since one dude ahead of me was a no show.

I won't be on the bike much for the next couple of weeks. I have surgery scheduled to removed a benign cyst from my back this week, and a business trip next week. I'm sure by the time the Clamfest Road Race comes around I'll be a basket case (all work and no play makes Zen a fucking nut case ([Smashing the door to bits with an axe] Jack Torrance: Wendy, I'm home!)). The Clamfest is another race that's older than most of the competitors. Fun Race. A racer died there a few years ago. Killed when a 70 year old driver drove into the pack after ignoring the cops. Really. I'm not kidding. Between that and the carnival workers from the back woods of Maine, how could you _not_ have fun?

Well...._THAT_ sucked......part 3

2010-07-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

It started out so well. I ate a good breakfast, left the house in plenty of time, made it to the start venue early, actually.

Except...wait...it _wasn't_ the start venue. The time trial presented by the Fitchburg Marriot Courtyard wasn't actually _at_ the Fitchburg Marriot Courtyard. The last time I did this race....I dunno...6 -7 years ago, the Time Trial presented by the Fitchburg Marriot Courtyard was actually _at_ the Fitchburg Marriot Courtyard. Not this year, and evidently not last year either. I didn't do the race last year.

No, it was actually about 5 miles away in the town of westminister. So the Fitchburg Longso Classic Stage Race South Street Time Trial Presented by The Fitchburg Marriot Courtyard was actually in westminister, the next town over from Fitchburg and no where near the marriot. By the time I got my self straightened away, after several highly stressed cell phone conversations with people who were checking the website for directions, I got to the venue less than 30 minutes before my start. My warm up consisted of two jumps in the parking lot to make sure nothing was going to fall off the bike, and actually doing a cyclocross dismount up the start ramp. I made it with 15 seconds to spare.

I've never seen the course. I had no idea what turns were in store, or what hills I would have to manage. The profile looked flat on the web, but since I thought it was the old course that actually started and stopped at the marriot, I had no idea how long that little innocuous grind at the start was going to take.

Sure enough, just before I crested the top, after _trying_ to keep a steady pace with no warm up....ass cramps.

Glutes tightening like Vertical banded gastroplasty on my ass muscles.

Just pace it, Zen.....Check your breathing, your HR.....shit...no HR readout...shit I had forgotten to put my HR strap on.....

That's ok, I still had speed and cadence. I've been racing along time, I know what feels right. I know how hard I can push.

Just before the turn around my minute man came by, and just after I came around I saw my 1:30 man. Well, that ain't good.

Just pace it, Zen....you had a headwind out you'll have a tailwind back. Except that the wind was swirling, I never actually felt the anticipated headwind. My 1:30 man passed me when I was wondering what happened to the tailwind.

I passed the 5K to go marker, and thought I remembered the course was pretty flat from here, so I pushed it a bit more. I felt I was gaining a bit more time on my 1:30 man.

1K togo, I checked my time. Already over 20 minutes...not good. 500 M to go and I'm on a little downhill. My speed read 32 mph.....good.

200 meters to go....and I hit this little rise. I didn't even notice it as a downhill, but this hit me like a wall. My 200 meter sprint turned into a 200 meter drag. I had nothing to put into it. I probably lost another ten seconds between 200 and 100 meters to go.

The damage? 22:11, for 32nd out of 43....fucking pathetic. In the end it only cost me 2 places on GC so now I'm 19th out of 43 instead of 17th, but shit...I _hate_ time trials....I hate it even more that I wasn't conscientious enough to actually _READ_ the course descriptions.

So, yeah...that sucked.

What The Hell Was I thinkin' ? Part 2

2010-07-04T05:17:00.000-07:00

The Mt. Wachusett Road Race is considered the Queen Stage of the Longso Stage race. It's an 11 mile circuit with about 750 feet of climbing per lap. That isn't really much, except when you consider that all the climbing is done in a 4 mile stretch, and about 500 of that is done in a one mile stretch. In years past, they used to finish at the top of mount watchusett, which added another 1000 feet of climbing in a little over a mile. The finish climb then was 1 KM at an average of about 15%. In categorization terms, the hill would come in at a solid cat 3.

But the roads in the state park are in such bad shape, they simply added another lap to the circuit.

This race isn't exactly a climbers course. Climbers will do well here, but any rider capable of sustaining good power for more than 5 minutes can stay in contention, especially considering that this course has one of the longer/faster downhills in new england. I hit 57 MPH yesterday.

Course map and profile here.

The race was slow. According to BikeReg, we averaged under 22 mph. Indeed, there were long sections on the flat part of the course where we were only going 15 mph. This gave ample opportunity for the slower climbers to get back on every lap. We were going so slow, that the juniors-who started 5 minutes after us - caught us at the end of the first lap. They neutralized our race to allow them to pass. This gave even more time for the slower riders to get back on. I felt good on almost every lap on on the big climb. I wasn't exactly cresting the top in at the front of the field, but I was firmly tacked onto the back of the lead group on every lap except one. Even on that painful 3rd lap, I was not more than 5 seconds behind the leaders over the top, and true to formula, they backed off and I was able to get back on.

Nearing the end of the 4th lap but well before the finish climb, the pace car once again neutralized our race. We thought the cat 4 field -who started ten minutes later- was catching us.

Wrong.

We were getting lapped by the lead juniors.

You read that correct, we actually got lapped on an 11 mile circuit after 4 laps by the lead juniors. That means they lapped the cat 4s, and would also have lapped the cat 3s if it weren't for the fact that the juniors were only doing 4 laps and this was their finish.

As our field was neutralized, the Indomitable Jonny Bold yelled out "PEE BREAK"

Pretty near the entire master field pulled over to whiz. I had needed to go since the half way though the first lap.

Things pretty much stayed together until the beginning of the last lap. I managed to once again latch onto the back of the leaders over the big climb, and this time they kept up the pace. As I'm no sprinter, and the finish climb is a power hill, I gave it everything I had for the finish and rolled across in 17th with a group of about 5 others. The winner had bolted away and put 22 seconds on my group in the last 500 meters. In fact he actually won by 7 seconds, and was right with us at the 500 meter mark. He's fast. Even Jonny Bold said he was impressed.

Before the race as I was getting dressed, I happened to notice the sole of my right shoe was detaching from the upper. By the end of the ride, it had separated halfway down the sole. Luckily, I have a new pair of shoes I hadn't put cleats on, so That's what I did last night.

Sunday is the TT. My worst discipline as a bike racer. I've borrowed a tri-spoke and a disk from El Presidente. I'll post a picture, with the dismal results later.

Will I _Never_ Learn? - part 1

2010-07-02T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I did something really stupid, I decided to race the Longsjo Classic. I swore several years ago I would _never_ do this race again, but here I am.

We need to back up a bit here. I raced the Purgatory Road Race two weekends ago and felt great. I had a teammate that was literally jumping up the killer 500 meter long 100 meter high climb on each of the 5 laps. I was sure he could win, so I worked on the last lap to keep the race together, including driving the group single file up the one-mile-long 3% grade about two miles from the finish. There was one guy off the front by several minutes, but my teammate won the 'field' sprint for second overall. I rolled up the hill without urgency. The following tuesday I did the BOB tuesday night fights and was instrumental in keeping the pace the fastest it's been all year, then the next day I rode the local TT, and set a season PR. Feeling good about myself, I pulled (sorry eric, 'squeezed') the trigger on fitchburg.

Fast forward to the Exeter Criterium this past tuesday. I felt horrible. I went off the front with a couple guys at one point about 1/2 way through and promptly went into oxygen debt. I finished in the pack. This was particularly disheartening because I felt really good at purgatory. Granted, according to bike reg we averaged 29.7 mph, but I still felt like shit. Really stinky runny green and brown breast-fed baby shit.

So I wasn't sure about myself today. The plan was to just go with the flow. This stage is a 3.1 mile circuit with one stair step climb (about 200 yards long and 100 feet tall) and a long downhill leading into it. I felt good, good enough to race the way I like to race: at the front and trying to get into a break. The steep hill was cooperating and I was at the front on every lap. With two to go, my teammate rolled off the front (I have no idea how he did it, I just remember seeing him with a 100 meter gap all of a sudden). He was caught at the line with one to go, and jonny bold attacked with another dude named Max. About 5 guys tried to go with it, including me. We actually had a good gap, but couldn't close on the JonnyMax duo, and the chase pretty much burned anything I had for the finish. The field swarmed around us well before the hairpin turn. Since the speed usually ramps up to 35 mph on that downhill, I hoped some of the bigger dudes would chase them down. Even though we hit our top speed for the entire day on the downhill on the last lap (38 mph), they stayed away, but were just caught at the finish line so 2nd through about 6th got officially same time. Max actually put 5 seconds on Bold on the finish climb. I hadn't recovered from the effort less than a lap earlier, and even though I entered the finish hill about 5th in line, I was resoundingly passed by over 20 people, and unfortunately was the second rider after a small gap, getting assessed 19 seconds down from the winner. Toss in the 10 second time bonus for the winner and I'm 29 seconds down. Tomorrow is more my element, the mount watchusett road race with big hills.

In other news, last saturday I finally got my t-shirt from The Grille Next Door for successfully having a beer from every one of their 36 taps. That might have had something to do with my performance at exeter.

mmmmmmm......beeeerrrrrrr.

Belated Thanks

2010-06-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

Purgatory race report later.

Last week was a perfect week. In fact, it was more than last week, as I parked my car on thursday evening, june 10, and didn't start it again until saturday morning, june 19. In that 9 day block I rode 330 miles, with the perfect week plus saturdays race (june 14-19) clocking in at 250 miles, about 130 miles of that at race intensity.

But this blog post isn't about that.

The perfect week culminated with a cook-out/bonfire at a relatives house for the purposes of an American Cancer Society Fundraiser. After riding 330 miles in ten days, the beer and food seemed to flow in me like I was beer bonging everything.

The bonfire, food, and frivolity went well into the late evening, and a good time was had by all.

But this blog post isn't about that.

Last year and this year they managed to secure live entertainment from Joel Cage, a solo acoustic-rock singer/songwriter. Joels style is unique, passionate, and somewhat eccentric, a hard-rocking style that's both emotionally and intellectually stimulating, accented by heart-felt rhythm and melodies with some impressive (but not oppressive) guitar licks. What few cover songs he plays are decidedly in his own style, in the manner that one would expect someone with his passion and love for music the present them.

But this blog post isn't about him.

One of Joel's fortes is his ability to musically illustrate imagery, presented in short soliloquies that punctuate the performance. Last saturday, he presented a new song called 'Devil'. He hasn't recorded it yet. I'll attempt to recall his preface to the song:

"I saw a cartoon in a magazine recently on the subject of Memorial Day. It showed a man standing in front of a barbecue grill holding utensils and saying to himself 'let's see, I have the hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken wings, ribs.....have I forgotten anything?'. In the smoke rising from the grill were the faces of soldiers and sailors. Now, I'm not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but I imagined the devil at that point, emerging from the ground behind the man, and reaching to place his hand on the mans shoulder. The closer the devil gets, the less the man sees the faces of the fallen soldiers in the smoke. But if the man can see those faces, and remember, the devil will be pushed back into the ground"

Now, I don't have that exactly correct. I was half in the bag at that point, but I think I have the sentiment right. Joel, if you ever get to this dark place of the world wide web, please know this was an attempt at an accolade.

This blog post is about taking the time to find the maturity to come to terms with the sacrifices - some too immense to comprehend - that others have made, yet not ever demanded recompense for.

Yesterday was Fathers Day. My father spent 21 years in the US army, including suffering such indignities as being station for 12 months on the Aleutian island of Shemya, and three combat tours of Vietnam - two of which were at forward fire bases. My father is a very quiet, reserved, patient, and tolerant man, with a pleasant and friendly demeanor. He enjoys Tanglewood, red wine, and fresh baked bread. You would never be able to picture him emptying an M-16 clip at advancing viet-cong forces, but that he did. His father was in fact killed in battle, on the island of guadalcanal in late 1942. My father was 2 at the time. He has no memory of his father.

I'm more than thankful that the man standing in front of the grill making sure he didn't raise the ire of his family by burning the burgers never would have had the chance to see my fathers face anthropomorphized in mesquite tinged vapors. I've understood this sacrifice for some time, as growing up in the military during the Vietnam war era, I had seen first hand the devastation done to a family when their father didn't return. I was thankful then, and thankful now, I didn't have to spend fathers day with a photograph, as my father has _always_ had to do.

That's what this blog post is about.

I took my father out to dinner yesterday. We drank Guinness, I had irish stew, he had fish and chips, and we enjoyed a good celtic music session.

And a good time was had by all.

It's there, but it's not.......there......

2010-06-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not feelin' it.

Blogging, that is. I haven't had the motivation or impetus to post anything lately, not sure why, just sort of an editorial malaise...a Prosaic Funk....if you will.

Last night I wasn't feeling it either. The regular tuesday night fight went off in good weather with a decent group.

But I wasn't feeling it.

I took a few pulls, closed some gaps, put out at least two hard efforts to chase down someone off the front, but I just didn't have the spirit to challenge any sprints or go alone. The times when I found myself on the front I just held the tempo.

At about two miles to go, when there were two riders off the front, and we hit a small but steep climb, where I came off [presidente's] wheel and I closed the gap the them, bringing a couple riders with me - which was the point. The group coalesced, and I took the final sprint. I'm not sure how it happened, but I found myself rolling by the last rider who sat up as I took the lead.

I'm not feeling blogging just now either, yet as I'm typing along I feel a bit more motivation/stimulation to bore you with my usual drivel.

I'm on a break, but not an abandonment. I'm sure - as I experienced last night - some form of motivation will come along to generate more effluent in this little corner of the internet.

Ciao for now.

A Womb With A View and The Incredible Tale of MT

2010-05-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

It's Hot.

Hot Hot Hot

Heat.

Hot Hot Heat.

Reverend Horton Heat.

Mr. Heat Miser

I like the heat. I like riding in it, I like basking in it, I like it so hot that I break a sweat brushing my teeth. Monday and Tuesday were unseasonably warm for New England in Spring. You gotta have that. It makes you appreciate a fucking blizzard, and vice versa.

When it's hot you get to see things like this:

But you don't often get to see this:

I work in a century-old converted mill building that made textile machinery for the mills in lowell and lawrence in the bad old days of corporate robber barons during the industrial revolution.

In the adjacent mill pond there are, of course families of water birds and amphibious creatures. I've been here almost 5 years, and this is the first time I've seen turtles laying eggs, let alone an 18 inch snapping turtle. I'm sure her hatchlings (if they make it that far) will appreciate their mothers choice of real estate with a view.

Since it was tuesday, I decided to make the trip up to Plaistow for the tuesday night fights (BOB smack-down). From work, it's 15 miles to the ride, about 35 miles of 'the ride', and 5 home. 55 miles in 90 degree heat, 35 of it race training.

Nice.

I was disappointed at the light turnout. Of the riders there, it appeared only two besides me really felt like working.

One of them was MT. I've known MT since about 1990. He was a cat 2 during the '80s. During the 90's, he took time off to establish a career and family, and now he's back. Last year he won at least two masters races in solo break aways. Last night he showed up on a new Felt.

And yeah, he can ride it. The guy was cruising 27 mph on the flats and didn't seem to be working hard. It ended up just him and me at the end, I set the pace on the hills but he did the work the rest of the time. Finally I had to cry uncle, I had a hard time even coming around to take a pull. I haven't had anyone work me over that badly on the BOB ride in a decade. The bike was part of it - I was riding my 23 pound commuter, but he would have hurt me on my race bike.

When I got home I felt worse than I did after the vermont trip. I drank alot, ate alot, and now I'm going to try my first TT of the season tonight.

Hot
hot
hot
hot
hot
hot.....

not.

on floyd

2010-05-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

I can't say it any better than this from my friend/teammate Mike:

"When this all occurred, I thought that what he was accused of was not of benefit to him that day and gave him a pass. Plus the lab work was really shoddy. Upon further review, I found I may be incorrect, but still, the lab work was really bad. I felt, even if guilty, he should walk. LABs need to be held accountable. If he walked, they would tighten controls and be even better. This would benefit the sport more in the long run.
Flandis denied. He wrote a book. He solicited money from fans for the defense. ...Lies. ...Lies.
Is he gonna refund the cash he STOLE from fans. Hell, he lied to them. Sold them innocence when guilt was truly the case.
What a clown. Now he is naming names. I don't care. You are doing it for personal reasons and your word is trash anyhow. You should have been like others (Millar) and come clean. Served your sentence, come out against other doping (w/o naming names), and all would have been forgiven.
Instead you followed Tyler's lead. Maybe you are his vanishing twin. Now go vanish. "

H.N.T. - The Zen Of Cycling Part 2

2010-05-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

The bloom is off the rose
The honeymoon is over

Yes, I'm mired back in the stark reality of corporate shitheads. The catharsis of the past weekend had been has been thoroughly and decisively beat from my psyche.

Fuck em'.

Fuck all you fucking fucks.

The Zen Of Cycling - part 2:

The start up rte 100 north was difficult, as even though was was flat/downhill there was a wicked north wind pushing through the valley. Even on downhill sections I had to push 200 watts to keep moving. The turn onto rte 125 to start our first gap (not ten miles into the ride) was better, at least we were shielded from the wind. Heading up the first gap, I did my best to ride a comfortable pace, but Solo and Badballs were pushing each other. The thing about these gaps is if someone gets away from you it's so steep for so long that it's nearly impossible to close the 'gap'. Badballs and Solo were pulling away, but I had a long day in front of me and decided to pace it back a bit. This turned out to be the easiest climb of the day, so they weren't that far ahead at the crest. Solo maybe 30 seconds and Badballs maybe 20 seconds. [Presidente] was further back.

Middlebury Gap stats:
time - 34:20
average heart rate - 147 bpm
average speed - 11.8 mph
average cadence - 75 rpm
average power - 209 watts

I can see from the heart rate that I wasn't really pushing it.

(a note on the power reading: it's wrong. Polar uses a strange method of power calculation involving; chain deflection/speed/weight/length, chainstay length, rider weight. I suppose it's as repeatable as any other method (good as a reference), but the absolute accuracy is dubious. I used two different on-line power calculators to check my readings, and the polar was about 9% lower across the board. That aligns with what I've seen on a computrainer as well)

I rolled down the other side to a flat area so that when [presidente] caught up I wouldn't be cold and wet, then have to ride a 40+ mph downhill. Solo was long gone. When you're riding big hills in weather like this, it's best not to wait at the top of the hills. You get hot and wet, then cold and wet, then wind-chilled. I wasn't too worried about Solo riding off ahead. He knew the route, [presidente] knew the route and he was behind, so I decided to pretty much take it easy going downhill until Bad Balls and [presidente] caught up. Once the three of us were together, we picked up the pace going down into middlebury. This road turns into dirt for a bit, and I like dirt roads. I big-ringed it all the way to the bottom where solo was waiting, and [presidente] and baddballs soon followed.

Next up was Appalachian Gap, with a precursor to the climb called 'baby gap'. Once we hit this, we had a tailwind. Solo and Badballs started duking it out again. I started to go with them, but then I thought "geeze, this is nice, it's like 60 degrees, I have an awesome tailwind, it's beautiful country, I'm just gonna plant it in my 26 and spin up". I finally caught up to them where baby gap drops off again about minute down, and we waited for [presidente].

Baby Gap stats:
time - 29:25
average heart rate - 149 bpm
average speed - 13.6 mph
average cadence - 81 rpm
average power - 197 watts

again, not pushing very hard

We hit the App Gap proper climb, and I was feeling pretty good, so I lifted the pace. Solo went with me, Badballs tried but started cramping. I felt really good until we hit the 2 KM to the top mark (they actually have marking on the road). Here it gets steep, and it's when I faded. Solo pulled away. Once it 'leveled' out again I was able to pace him, and he kept about 30 seconds on me after that. I tried digging deep with 500 meters to go, but only got about 20 pedal strokes while standing and in the drops. Too steep, too much effort already. I stood holding the hoods for the rest of the climb with a miserably low cadence (~40). We waited at the top for [Presidente], just for the photo ops. You'll see them on Solos blog.

Appalachian Gap stats:
time - 28:30
average heart rate - 173 bpm
average speed - 8.5 mph
average cadence - 66 rpm
average power - 256 watts

Now you can see I was working harder. My HR should actually have been higher, but the low cadence kept it down.

On the way down I saw Solo on the side of the road. He had stopped at a roadside table where some girls were selling cupcakes. No, this is not a euphemism for anything, they had home-made cup cakes with decorative frosting designs. Got to hand it to Solo for making that call. They were fresh and delicious. [Presidente] and badballs saw us and stopped. Solo told the girls "charge the fat guy extra, he needs to lose weight". She replied "none of you guys are fat". [Presidente], the target of solos jibe, exclaimed "good sales tactic girls, you'll go far". We weren't' quite at the bottom of the hill, and stopped at the small village where we got water and snacks at a Qwicke-Mart. I had a cup of coffee, which went great with the taste of the fresh cupcakes.

Roxbury gap was next. I paced off Solo. BadBalls stayed with [presidente] for a bit, then rode up to us and caught us just before the summit. He was riding a 34x26 and was spinning a nice cadence compared to what solo and I were lugging. Badballs rode by and I took his pace. Solo dropped back. Badballs and I sparred with elbows and shoulders up the grade, with Solo laughing at us from behind, with the three of us reaching the top together.

Roxbury Gap stats:
time - 33:35
average heart rate - 161 bpm
average speed - 8.3 mph
average cadence - 62 rpm
average power - 191 watts

I was working here but had some margin still. The downhill was fun and I would have liked to have lit up up for the miles of dirt at high speed, but I didn't know the road.

After regrouping we headed south on rte 12 for about 20 miles, but it was downhill with a tailwind the whole way. It was somewhere along this section that my 'puter filled up. I knew it was going to happen, it only holds 5 hours of data the way I have it set up. Because of that I have no data for Rochester gap. Of course, this is where I pushed the pace, and of course my hardest sustained effort for the day wasn't recorded. Solo rolled away from Badballs and I, and at somepoint I decided I felt good enough to give chase. I didn't go hard, I just kept up the pressure, watching my power and keeping it below 280 watts. I managed to catch him, then we rode together for a bit, and I gapped him. I kept checking back to see where he was, and he appeared to be holding about a 30 second gap. I got to the point where I couldn't stand on the pedals anymore and had to sit grinding out a cadence in the 40's. Solo held the gap. I could sense the top of the hill, and as I approached the top I got out of the saddle in the drops, dropped a cog, and charged over the summit. I rolled up the speed quickly, sat up to pull up my arm warmers and zip up my jersey, then came around the downhill corner seeing the next climb. I said out loud "oh fuck me!!".

Fuck it, I charged into it. Up over the top in my big chainring, I kept it up all the way back to Rochester common. Solo dropped in about 1:30 later.

The car was only a few hundred yards from there. We got back, and the first order was to get into the SUV and get warm dry clothes. I peed next to the car and then took a swig from my still half full bottle. I realized I still had a full bottle, and hadn't taken any water at the qwickie-mart. I handed the half-full bottle to Solo, and said I still had a full one I didn't touch. The look on his face was something to me saying I liked chelada (you gotta follow this link and read the reviews). I wasn't dehydrated, If I was I wouldn't have had to pee right away when we got back. It wasn't warm out, it was overcast, cool and humid (~50%). Not exactly the kind of day I need to worry about running out of water. Still, 1/2 a large bottle of water + 1 cup of coffee wasn't a lot of fluids. I _did_ drink an 11 oz bottle of mix1 protein shake, but that's hardly thirst quenching. For food on the ride I had eaten a power bar, a cliff bar, the cupcake, and the protein drink. I was way more hungry than thirsty.

I'll publish part three, the conclusion, later. Here is a Half-Naked-Thursday reward for making it through this.